Weekly Diary : Week 33
19 January 2026 (Monday) : The Day I Didn’t Want to Stand… but Still Did
“Sometimes, it’s not the situation that scares you… it’s the thought of losing someone because of it.”
That was my day.
In the morning, Tissue told me she would be late. I already knew what would come next. So I replied immediately, “I will not go alone. We will go together. I’ll wait. Let’s meet at the station as always.”
I attended college today. In the lab, the journal content of the last experiment was given. The practical itself felt like time passing. Some were completing their remaining experiments, some just sitting, writing, waiting. Nothing intense. Then BR ma’am started asking which students would attend the orientation. She told those students to stand up. I didn’t. She counted. Everyone sat down. And that’s when I felt that someone was looking at me. I looked up.
It was Tissue. She was giving me looks. At first, I didn’t understand. Then she started giving me signs, trying to say something without words. And then it clicked. She was asking me why I didn’t stand up. I simply told her that I don’t want to.
She didn’t reply immediately. Instead, she took out her phone, typed something, and looked at me again.
I checked my phone. A message from her. And just like that, we started arguing quietly through texts. She kept saying I should attend the orientation. I kept saying I don’t want to. Back and forth. Until she said, “If you don’t attend, I won’t talk to you.”
For a moment, I froze. I didn’t reply. Because that… that was something I didn’t want at all. Tissue not talking to me? No. I won’t let it happen. After all, she is the reason I even feel like coming to college.
So suddenly, the decision became simple. Attending orientation is easier than losing her. I asked her what I should do now. Ma’am had already counted, and I didn’t stand. She told me to go and talk to ma’am after practical. Honestly, I was scared. I thought she would scold me. But Tissue said no, ma’am is humble when it comes to career or guidance. She was speaking from her experience. So I went.
And to my surprise… Tissue was right. Ma’am didn’t scold me. She simply told me to attend the orientation, calmly.
Tissue was happy. She said, whether I go for the 4th year or not, I should attend. But deep down… I wasn’t thinking about orientation. I was thinking about something else. What if things don’t go the way I plan in life? That’s okay. I can still figure something out. But what I don’t want is to lose someone like Tissue. When she said she would stop talking to me, it reminded me of school days.
Those “friends” who only talked during exams, for notes, assignments. Just use and leave. Even remembering that makes my chest feel heavy. But now, in college, with Tissue, it feels different. We laugh. We joke. We talk. It’s not just notes and assignments. And somewhere inside, I have this question… Am I more than that for her too? Am I more than just for notes, assignment for her? Does she think of me as a friend?
In the end, all of us attended the orientation in Conclave 1. Later, MJ ma’am texted, “All of you must get corrected in the journal tomorrow positively to avoid a late remark.”
Another reminder. Another task. I came home and slept. When I woke up in the evening, I started working on experiment 8. It was too lengthy. It honestly felt like I was writing 4–5 experiments in one. But I kept going. Until I finally finished it at night. I clicked pictures, made a PDF, and sent it to Mice. After a few minutes, I sent it to Tissue as well.
And just like that, the day ended.
20 January 2026 (Tuesday) : The Strange Reward of Finishing Early
“Have you ever worked hard… only to realize you didn’t actually need to rush?”
That question stayed with me today.
When I woke up, the first thing I saw was a message from Tissue. She had texted around 12:43 am, saying she was about to start writing experiment 8. I just stared at the screen for a second. It had taken me hours to complete that experiment. It honestly felt like I was writing 4–5 experiments in one. And here she was… starting at midnight. I quietly wondered—how long did it take her to finish?
As usual, we met at the station and went to college together. I went with a small sense of fulfillment, thinking I had already completed experiment 8. But the moment I entered the lab, that feeling quietly disappeared. Because most of the students were… still writing. During the practical itself.
And the bigger shock? Ma’am was allowing it. For a second, I just stood there, a little stunned. I had spent my entire evening rushing, thinking I would get a late remark if I didn’t complete it on time. And now… people were casually finishing it in the lab itself. I won’t lie, I felt a little foolish. But also, a little relieved. At least it’s done, I told myself.
Once my journal got corrected, I had nothing left to do. And that’s when boredom slowly started settling in. Tissue was busy writing her other experiments. I guess she hadn’t completed them yet. I looked at Mice. She looked just as bored as me. But then again, the way she kept smiling and blushing while typing on her phone… Maybe she wasn’t that bored or maybe I was just assuming things. I looked around. Some students were on their phones. Some were still writing.
And me? I had already finished everything. So I turned towards the window. And just… watched the sky. Birds flying freely. Trees moving slightly with the wind. It felt oddly peaceful. And then came the regret—I should have brought a book. I could have read something instead of sitting like this. My thoughts slowly drifted elsewhere. What should I cook for dinner tonight? Should I tell my mother to make it today instead? Random thoughts. One after another. I was just waiting for the practical to end.
And then a message from Mice pulled me back.
MICE: oyee, aaj tera presentation hai kya?
Me: bhai, mereko khud ko nahi pata.
MICE: Official TY BT group pe dekh
I checked. And for a moment, I was shocked. Our group’s presentation was listed for today. But that didn’t make sense. I was sure, 100% sure that it wasn’t today.
Me: I guess nahi hai… reschedule hua hai. Group members se confirm karna padega.
I texted one of my group members. She confirmed—it wasn’t today. Ma’am was mistaken. I felt a quiet relief. A few minutes later, Mice texted again—
MICE: oyee, tune jo pdf bheja tha vo mrudula ko send kar sakti hu kya? usko complete karna hai?
Me: maine konsa pdf bheja tha? Kab bheja tha?
MICE: are mj ma’am ka?
Me: details? Mareko yaad nahi. Sensory evaluation ka?
MICE: haa
Me: bhej do. Isme puchne wali kya baat hai.
She: ok
At the end of the practical, ma’am shared the list of major and minor experiments for the Food Processing & Analysis practical exam. Another reminder that things are not slowing down anytime soon.
I came home. And did… nothing. Except for reading that book.
21 January 2026 (Wednesday) : The Day I Chose a Book Over Lectures
Today, there were online lectures. And honestly, I didn’t want to listen. So I didn’t. Instead, I opened my book and started reading. It felt peaceful. Like choosing silence over noise. For a while, I forgot everything—college, assignments, deadlines. But of course… reality doesn’t stay quiet for long. A message popped up on the official group from CC, “Tomorrow is the journal checking for the written part of GP sir.”
And just like that, my calm broke. I stared at the message, slightly confused… then irritated. They haven’t even provided the full content yet. Only the written part is given. Then why the checking now? Why not wait until everything is complete, written part, images, all together? Because I already know what will happen. They will check now. Then later, when images are given, they will again ask for checking. Two rounds for the same work. I could feel that familiar frustration building up. I didn’t even say anything out loud. But inside, I was already annoyed.
Then Tissue texted. She was frustrated too, “kya natak hai in logo ka.”
I almost smiled reading that. At least I wasn’t the only one thinking this. And somewhere in that moment, I made a quiet decision… I will not attend tomorrow. Even if it means getting a late remark. Sometimes, I feel like I’m just… tired of adjusting every single time.
Apart from this, Mice texted me about the bioinformatics project. And that’s when I realized, I had completely forgotten about it.
MICE: bioinfo ka project phone se hoga?
Me: No idea (I guess nahi)
MICE: tune kiya?
Me: not yet
She has laptop issues. And honestly, I don’t think this project can be done properly on a phone. So I told her to talk to her assigned mentor. It felt like the only practical solution.
After that, things went quiet again. But not completely peaceful. Because now, there were two thoughts sitting in my mind. One about skipping tomorrow. And another about a project I haven’t even started.
22 January 2026 (Thursday) : A Small Thing That Felt Bigger Than It Was
Today, college was from 7:45 to 11:00 am. As planned, I didn’t attend the lectures. Tissue wasn’t there either. She had gone to someone’s wedding. I carried my laptop with me because Mice and I had decided to discuss the bioinformatics project. She texted me that she had reached college. And I was still on my way, so I started walking faster. I didn’t want her to wait.
I was just about to reach the college gate when my phone rang. It was from Mice. I picked up and said, “Wait, I’m about to reach—”
But she cut me off, “Jaldi aa… I got my periods. Do you have pads? I’m in the washroom.”
For a second, everything paused. And then reality hit. I didn’t have any. I was carrying my laptop bag today instead of my regular one. My pads were in my regular bag. And since I had already finished my periods this month, I didn’t think of keeping them in the laptop bag. Mice started panicking. And honestly… I didn’t know what to say. So I just said, “Wait in the washroom. I’m coming from the store.”
I was just a few minutes away from the gate. But I turned back and walked fast towards the store. Luckily, it was open. I didn’t waste a second—bought pads, paid, and rushed back.
When I reached the washroom, she was waiting. I gave it to her and stood outside. When she came out, the first thing I noticed was her back. No red stains. I felt relieved. I was on time. She told me she had a sonography a few days ago and everything was normal. Then she asked—why did she get her periods twice in a single month? I didn’t have a perfect answer. But I said what I understood. That a woman’s body is different. We bleed every month, our uterus shed its lining every month. After a major surgery, her periods were suppressed for almost 6 months so that the internal wounds could heal. But healing isn’t just what we see outside. Inside, things take longer. On top of that, menstruation, medicines, everything together… It needs time.
She listened quietly. Then she said her brother was coming to pick her up at the station. I told her I could drop her to the station and wait until he arrives. She refused and said it’s okay as I already helped a lot.
I insisted again. But she still said no. So I just told her to text or call me once your brother picks you up and you reach home.
And just like that… I ended up in the library, alone. But my mind wasn’t there. It kept going back to her. What if she faints? What if she feels weak while walking? After her surgery, her body has become weak. Suddenly, I felt guilty. I should have gone with her. I should have insisted more.
I tried to focus on the bioinformatics project. But nothing made sense. I couldn’t understand a single step properly. I should have woken up early and attended ma’am’s lecture when she explained it. After a few attempts, I gave up.
Then finally her message came. Her brother had arrived at the station and she was going home. And I felt… relief.
After some time, I decided to go home too. There was no point sitting there when my mind wasn’t working. On the way, I saw a message in the unofficial TY BT group. That same guy had texted, “Bioinfo project deadline extended to 31st Jan, confirmed by HOD ma’am.”
That gave a little breathing space. After reaching home, I picked up my book again. I was almost about to finish it and I had to return it to Tissue. Later, Mice texted me, “Thank you…”
I don’t know how to write about it and I don’t want to. But I didn’t feel the same way. Instead, something inside me triggered. And I realized why. It was about the pads. A small thing. But it reminded me of school days. Moments where help, things, situations… were not so simple. For a second, my mind went there. But I stopped myself. I came back to the present and I replied normally. I even told her that I can help with assignments because of her health issues.
Sometimes, what feels like a “small help” to others can carry a lot of weight inside us. Not because of the present… But because of the past it touches.
23 January 2026 (Friday) : The Day Things Finally Started Making Sense
There were no lectures because of the Consortia Event—the main event of our Biotech department. I didn’t attend it. Not because I couldn’t. But because my mind was stuck somewhere else… The bioinformatics research project. For days, it had been sitting in my head like an unsolved puzzle which was confusing and slightly annoying.
So today, I decided to do it. Well… at least that was the plan. I opened my laptop and tried to understand what exactly I was supposed to do. And honestly, the more I looked at it, the more confusing it felt. What even is this? How do I even start? Where do these steps connect? It felt like reading a language I partially knew… but couldn’t fully understand.
And then, Mice sent me something. Recorded lectures of HOD ma’am. At that moment, it felt like someone handed me a map after I had been walking in circles. I played the recordings. Listen carefully. Paused. Replayed. Noted.
Slowly… things started to settle. Not everything, but enough to give me direction. For the first time, I got an idea of what actually needs to be done. Not just “do the project”—but how to do it.
So I broke it down step by step. Wrote everything in my notebook. Simplified it in my own way. And somewhere in that process, the confusion became a little quieter. I won’t say I fully understand it. But now… it doesn’t feel impossible.
24 January 2026 (Saturday) : The Meeting That Didn’t Go as Planned
Today was PTM. Since it’s our last semester, Tissue had told me that she wanted me to meet her mother. And honestly, I wanted that too. Because after this… who knows if we will ever get a chance again. I even had a small reason in my heart—I wanted to say thank you for the Sevai aunty always sends for us. So last night, I asked my mother, “Tomorrow is my PTM… will you come with me, Mamma?” She agreed. It felt simple.
But in the morning, things changed. I got a message from Tissue. Her mother had a hospital appointment. Even though aunty was saying they would try to attend PTM after the visit, Tissue knew it wouldn’t be possible. Hospital visits take time… and by then, PTM would be over.
I just stared at the message for a moment. My chest became heavy. I felt… bad. Not just because the plan changed, but because I really wanted to meet Aunty and say thanks. I replied simply, “It’s okay. Take care of aunty.”
After that, I thought… What’s the point of going now? But I had already told my mother. So backing out didn’t feel right. And that’s how I ended up going to PTM.
On the way, Mice texted me. She had a doctor’s appointment at 9:30, so she wouldn’t be attending PTM. She asked if I could check her marks if possible. I paused for a second. My roll number is 10. Her roll no. is 49. There was a high chance we would be assigned to different faculty. Still, I said nothing at that moment.
When I reached college, it happened exactly like I expected. We were under different faculty. So I couldn’t check her marks. As for me, I passed. And thankfully, there were no complaints. Not from the faculty. Not from my mother either.
On the way home, I called Mice and told her I couldn’t see her marks. She simply said it’s okay and thanked me anyway. Dragon didn’t attend PTM either.
And just like that, the day ended quietly. Not the way I imagined. But not bad either.
25 January 2026 (Sunday) : Trying to Start… and Getting Distracted Anyway
Today I finally decided to sit down and work on the bioinformatics project. Since I am also doing Mice’s research project, I began with her disease name. It felt like a simple entry point… at least something to hold on to. I opened my laptop. Started going through the steps. I tried to connect things. For a few minutes, it felt like I was actually doing something.
But then… Distractions slowly entered. There was some discussion going on about CA2. People were talking about products, ideas, and what to make. And I just sat there… confused. I didn’t understand what exactly was expected. What kind of product? How detailed? What direction? The more I read, the more unclear it felt.
And just when I was trying to bring my focus back. Something that had been happening the whole week. Messages in the unofficial TY BT group, about passes, Alegria passes, early bird passes. Again and again. The same kind of messages.
