Weekly Diary : Week 39
02 March 2026 (Monday) : Hall Ticket Day and an Uncomfortable Truth
Today was the hall ticket distribution. Tissue was on fast, so we both took an auto from the station and went straight to college. The usual route felt a little different today, like there was something already decided about how the day would end. We had to go to J-302 to collect the hall tickets.
Inside, everything felt normal on the surface. Students moving, names being called out. One by one, hall tickets were being handed over. Tissue got hers. But when my turn came… I already knew what was coming. I was marked as an attendance defaulter. So I didn’t receive any hall ticket. It didn’t feel shocking. It was more like a quiet confirmation of something I already expected, even if I didn’t want to admit it completely.
After that, there wasn’t much left to do there. So I just sat with my book. The same one I had been reading for the past few days. I held it like it could keep me busy enough to not think too much about everything else happening around me.
03 March 2026 (Tuesday) : A Quiet Day Between Pages and Words
Today, I didn’t do much beyond two things—reading and writing. I picked up my book a few times during the day, sitting with it in short moments, letting a few pages pass each time. Nothing continuous, nothing planned… just small pauses where I slipped into another world for a while. And in between those pauses, I wrote. Not anything structured or perfect. Just writing stuff—random thoughts, fragments, ideas that came and left on their own. I didn’t try to force meaning into it. I just let the words come out the way they wanted to.
That became my whole day. Reading a little. Writing a little. And staying mostly quiet in between. There wasn’t any big event, no rush, no noise.
04 March 2026 (Wednesday) : A Quiet Day, a Finished Book, and Small Acts of Sharing
Today, I got my periods. The whole day naturally slowed down with it. I stayed in bed most of the time, not really pushing myself to do anything extra. There was a quiet heaviness in my body, so I just let myself rest.
In between all of this, I finally finished the book I had been reading for the past few days. It felt simple, but also like something had quietly completed itself along with the day. I just lay there turning the last pages, not rushing, letting the story end at its own pace.
Later, Tissue texted me. She asked for the CA1 question paper of Research Methodology, and I sent it to her without much thought. After that, she told me one of her classmates was also asking for notes of Research Methodology and Biostatistics. She asked me if she could share mine. For a moment, I paused—not because I didn’t want to help, but because I found it a little funny that she even asked. In my mind, there was no need to seek permission for that. She could just send them. But I didn’t say much.
05 March 2026 (Thursday) : Research Methodology Exam, Engineering Stairs, and a Strange Feeling of Ending
Today was our first semester exam—Research Methodology and Biostatistics. The timing was from 8:30 am to 10:30 am. Even though I was an attendance defaulter and technically not supposed to be there, I still went to college with Tissue.
We sat at our usual place—the engineering stairs. It felt normal at first, like always. Same spot, same quiet background, same small conversations that don’t really mean anything and everything at the same time. Then, at a random moment, my mouth slipped. I told her I was on my monthly days. The next second, she started scolding me for coming. She kept talking, but I wasn’t really listening properly. My mind drifted somewhere else. Because I don’t even fully understand what’s happening inside me lately.
As days are passing and college is slowly coming to an end, there is this strange feeling building up in my chest. Heavy… but unclear. Like I’m about to lose something, even though nothing has ended yet. And in that moment, all I wanted was simple. Just more time with Tissue, Mice, and Dragon. I couldn’t name the feeling. I still can’t. It doesn’t feel productive or logical… it just exists. And honestly, I’ve never felt anything like this before—not in school, not in junior college, not anywhere.
What even is this?
For a moment, I wondered if I should Google it… or ask Tissue. But then I imagined her calling me an idiot and telling me to see a doctor. That thought alone made me smile. And suddenly, I remembered something funny. I started laughing quietly. Tissue noticed and asked what happened. I told her I remembered the day she fell on the stairs. The moment I said it, she gave me that look. And I tried so hard not to laugh that I just pressed my lips together.
We were still sitting on the engineering stairs. And somewhere in between everything, a thought came quietly to me—Maybe this is the last time we are sitting here like this. So I took a photo of the stairs without saying anything.
While Tissue was writing her exam, I opened my laptop and started making a custom resume for internships and fresher jobs I had shortlisted. Deep down, I knew most of them might not even respond… but I still did it anyway.
Then the bell rang. Tissue and I met again and left for home together. On the way, she kept telling me about her paper—how it went, and how the second round paper could have been set better.
I just listened. And walked beside her.
06 March 2026 (Friday) : A Quiet Day of Rest, Pain, and Small Things Left Unfound
Today was my third day of periods, and the flow was heavy. My back was hurting the whole time, like a constant weight sitting there quietly but firmly. Luckily, there was no exam today, so I stayed at home the entire day.
I spent most of my time lying on my bed. Reading a book, watching random YouTube videos, eating something small here and there, and slowly shifting from one position to another just to find a way where the cramps would hurt a little less. Nothing really stayed comfortable for long. I didn’t cook dinner today. I didn’t even do any household chores. My mother didn’t say anything, and I could see she was actually glad I was resting instead of pushing myself.
In between all this, Tissue texted me asking for the Pharmacology & Neurochemistry CA1 question paper. I tried to help her, but I couldn’t find it. I told her to wait and started searching properly—my drawer, my bag, between old notebooks, under random sheets of paper. But it was like it had simply disappeared. In the end, I had to tell her I couldn’t find it and asked her to check with someone else.
Even after that, my mind kept going back to it. Where did I keep that paper? It felt strange how something so small could just vanish without a trace.
07 March 2026 (Saturday) : An Exam Day, Small Messages, and Things I Didn’t Say Out Loud
Today was my Pharmacology & Neurochemistry exam. I was running late, so I told Tissue not to wait for me at the station. She had to revise anyway. She replied in a way that made me chuckle a little. She said something like, “Are yaar, maja nahi aayega. Mujhe akela nahi jaana.” I didn’t expect that kind of honesty so early in the morning. I told her I would meet at our usual spot.
I got ready in a hurry and reached college. When I looked around, I didn’t see her at our engineering spot. She was sitting on a bench in the corridor instead, quietly revising whatever she could before the exam. When the time came, I wished her all the best. We decided we would meet again after her exam finished.
While she went inside for her exam, I stayed back at our usual spot. Just sitting there, doing nothing much, just letting time pass in its own slow way.
After coming home, most of my day slipped into writing small things, random thoughts, bits of work that didn’t feel connected but still kept me occupied.
There was also something I don’t want to go into—my parents had a fight again. I’ll skip that part. I don’t want to remember it at all.
In the evening, my phone lit up with a message. I didn’t even need to check the name to know who it was. And I was right. Tissue had texted me asking for a lot of things related to Tissue Culture & Developmental Biology:
CA1 question paper,
Case study questions,
Flow sheet of Developmental Biology that ma’am explained in the last class,
Important questions or concepts,
And reference books for ATC, PTC & Developmental Biology.
I saw the message a little late and replied that I would send everything in the morning.
08 March 2026 (Sunday) : A Quiet Day of Notes, Small Help, and a Simple “Thank You”
Today, I didn’t really do much beyond small things. In the morning itself, I sent a lot of study material to Tissue because she had to prepare for tomorrow’s exam. I just kept sending whatever I had collected over the semester, piece by piece. I sent her my lecture notes too… though I honestly doubted whether she would even be able to read them properly. My handwriting is messy, and I even struggle with it sometimes. Then I shared reference books for each unit that I had written down at the beginning of the semester, along with the CA1 question paper. I also sent her notes on the History of PTC. After that, I shared important case studies—Thalidomide tragedy, Bhopal gas tragedy, Chernobyl tragedy, and Hiroshima & Nagasaki. I told her to just get an overall idea of all of them, especially in connection with Developmental Biology or embryology. I also reminded her to study the media composition of ATC and PTC in a tabular form, because I thought it would be easier to remember that way. Basically, I sent her everything I could recall from what ma’am had taught us.
While doing all this, I didn’t think much at first. It felt normal… like just another task. But then she replied. A simple message. Just a thank you. She said it would help her a lot. And I don’t know why, but that small reply stayed with me longer than anything else today. A soft smile came on my face without me even realizing it.
Because maybe that was the real highlight of my day—not what I gave her, but the fact that it actually mattered to someone.
