Weekly Diary : Week 38
23 February 2026 (Monday) : A Rare Dream That Felt Like Home
Today was supposed to be just another normal day—but it didn’t begin that way. There were offline lectures from 7:45 to 11:05 am, but I didn’t attend them. I had to go to the hospital. I went with my mother, and like always, the waiting line was too long. Sitting there, doing nothing, usually pulls me back into thoughts I don’t want to revisit… especially memories from childhood. So instead of letting my mind wander there, I opened a different door.
I started thinking about stories. Random characters. Their goals. Their struggles. What they want. What stops them? It felt easier… safer. Creating something new always feels better than going back to something I’ve tried so hard to leave behind.
Time passed slowly, but eventually, my turn came.
I don’t want to write much about what happened inside. It was the usual—medicines, instructions, and quiet nods. But one thing stayed with me… the doctor said it doesn’t seem like I’ll need surgery. That one sentence felt lighter than everything else. I don’t know how long I’ll have to continue the medicines, but at least that fear is not standing in front of me anymore.
When I came home, I ate something light and took my medicine. I was about to open my laptop, but my mother stopped me. She told me not to touch anything—no laptop, no books—and just go to sleep. For once, I didn’t argue. Maybe because I was actually tired.
So I slept.
And then something unexpected happened. I woke up in the evening… smiling. It felt strange at first, like I had forgotten how that feels. When was the last time I woke up smiling instead of trying to catch my breath? I tried to remember what I saw, and slowly, the dream came back to me. I couldn’t clearly describe the place, but it felt like a picnic spot… or maybe a garden. Trees were low, their leaves scattered on the soft green grass. There was a swing hanging from a big tree. I was sitting on that swing… gently moving back and forth. But I wasn’t alone. There was someone behind me. Because I could feel it—that person’s chin resting lightly on my shoulder, their arms wrapped around me in a soft, careful hug. It was quiet, calm… and so warm. I couldn’t see the face of that person, no matter how much I tried. But that didn’t matter at that moment. Because for the first time in so long, I felt safe. That’s the only word I can find for it. Safe. The moment I tried to turn my face to see who it was, my eyes opened. Just like that, I was back in my room, staring at the ceiling.
For a few seconds, I didn’t move. Then slowly, my hands wrapped around myself while sitting up… as if trying to hold on to that feeling. And I smiled again, without even realizing it. When was the last time something like this happened? I’m so used to nightmares—blood, chaos, fear, things that leave me breathless—that this felt unreal and gentle.
I sat on the balcony for a while after freshening up, just trying to stay in that feeling a little longer. I didn’t want it to fade so quickly. I don’t know why I had that dream. I didn’t watch anything, didn’t do anything special.
24 February 2026 (Tuesday) : A Day of Flowing Thoughts and a Small Reminder of Tomorrow
There were online lectures from 7:45 to 11:05 am, but honestly, I wasn’t fully there. My mind kept slipping into random writing. No structure, no clear direction—just me going wherever my thoughts decided to take me. It felt a bit uncertain… like walking without knowing the path ahead. But I didn’t stop it either. I just let it flow. Maybe I didn’t know where I was going, but for now, I was okay with not knowing.
Then, in between all of this, a message popped up in our official TY BT group. It was about our scheduled photo session. We were told to wear formal outfits. For a moment, I just stared at the message. Something so simple suddenly reminded me that time is moving fast, even when I feel stuck in my own small chaos of thoughts and work.
Without thinking much, I went and took out my formal pants and shirt at night and kept them ready before sleeping. It felt like a small preparation for tomorrow… nothing big, just a quiet task before the day ends.
Today didn’t feel loud or dramatic. It was slow, scattered, and a little directionless.
25 February 2026 (Wednesday) : Formal Clothes, Casual Moments, and Quiet Conversations
Today was our photo session. Everyone came in formal clothes—shirts neatly tucked, shoes polished, some adjusting collars, some fixing hair again and again. There was this quiet excitement in the air, the kind that shows up when everyone is just trying to look their best for a moment that will later become a memory.
We clicked pictures. A lot of them. Group photos, selfies, random poses, laughing in between. At one point, I told Dragon to make a small mini vlog of our campus. I handed her my phone, and she immediately took over like she had been planning it all along. She started introducing our group in her own dramatic way. And then suddenly, I froze for a second. Because she introduced me as the “guy of our group.” Then she actually said it out loud, “Ye hai hamaare group ka launda.”
I didn’t even know how to react. I just quietly followed her, still a little surprised, as she kept recording. Her boyfriend, who is also an MSc topper, was walking behind her. And somehow, I ended up walking with them too while she kept shooting the vlog on my phone. It wasn’t planned at all, but it felt natural… like I was just part of their small moving world for that moment.
While walking around campus, I ended up asking him a few things about Biotechnology—masters, job opportunities, internships, abroad options, and even the job gap situation in India’s Biotechnology sector. He answered everything calmly, without making it sound complicated. And strangely, that stayed with me more than the vlog itself. Not the recording… but that unexpected conversation.
Later, I came home, freshened up, ate something, and just lay down on my bed. My phone kept buzzing with group photos and messages from the unofficial TY BT group. The day was still echoing in small pieces online.
In the evening, Tissue texted me. We talked about the photo session, laughed a little, and even somehow ended up discussing blocking faculty numbers again. Then, as always, the topic suddenly shifted. She brought up tomorrow’s IDC exam and, like always, she became suspicious again—thinking I must have studied everything already while pretending I didn’t. I didn’t even know how to respond to that anymore. If she ever finds out I actually prepare notes properly, I wonder what she’ll say then. But I just let it be.
After we finished texting, I quietly went back to my notes and revised again… just enough so I can write something in the exam, even if I don’t fully know the exact answers.
It wasn’t a loud day.
26 February 2026 (Thursday) : IDC Exam, Broken Pens, and Silent Accusations
Today was our IDC exam from 10:30 to 11:30 am. I reached college early and went straight to the library. There were no lectures today because of the exam schedule, so the campus felt quieter than usual. I spent some time writing random things, then slowly shifted into last-minute revision for the exam. That’s when I noticed Maahi entering the library.
I just raised my hand slightly, and she saw me. She came over, and we sat together. It started with a simple hi and hello, nothing special. But then we ended up revising side by side. Even though our IDC subjects were different, it still felt easier revising together. Like having someone silently sitting nearby makes everything a little less heavy.
But then… things took a small turn. When I looked outside the library, I saw Tissue and Mice. And I just knew it instantly. The way they looked at me… it wasn’t normal. It felt like silent judgment, like I had done something wrong. I quickly left the library around 10:00 am and went to class. Luckily, Maahi’s class was nearby, so we decided to meet again after the exam. We wished each other all the best and went to our respective rooms.
I carried an extra pen—just in case. And good thing I did. The exam paper was easy. I was able to answer everything and wrote as fast as I could. But then, in the middle of writing, my pen stopped. Ink finished on the second page. For a second, I just stared at it. Then I used my extra pen and continued. I even asked for an extra sheet once, but while doing so, I felt like someone was watching me. No doubt that it could have been Tissue or Mice. So I just focused back on my paper.
But then again… my second pen also stopped. I literally paused. Like… seriously? Both pens? For a moment, I just sat there thinking what to do. Then the supervisor noticed and asked me what happened. I told her both my pens stopped and I didn’t have another one. I expected scolding. But instead, she gave me her blue pen and told me to continue quickly because time was running. I nodded fast, said thank you and sorry at the same time, and went back to writing.
Finally, I finished the exam. I tied the extra sheet with the main answer sheet just as the bell rang, and papers started getting collected one by one.
Outside the classroom, I already knew what was waiting. Mice and Tissue were standing there, looking at me like I had committed some serious crime. Their expressions were loud even without words like calling me a liar in silence. And I couldn’t even hold it in. I just chuckled. Because honestly, it was too funny.
27 February 2026 (Friday) : The Last Lecture of TY — A Quiet Goodbye
Today there were offline lectures from 8:30 to 11:50 am… and somehow, it was the last day of TY lectures. That thought didn’t really hit me at first. The day began with HOD ma’am’s lecture. She had only one topic left in her syllabus, and I quietly noted everything down. My handwriting, as always, wasn’t anything impressive—but I knew this was the last time I would be writing her lecture notes like this, so I kept writing anyway.
When she finally finished the topic, she didn’t leave the class immediately. Instead, she started speaking… a little slower than usual in a warm tone. And that’s when I felt something shift. I noticed her eyes first. She was trying to hold back tears, blinking repeatedly like she didn’t want them to fall. But soon, she couldn’t hold it anymore. She got emotional.
And the entire class went silent. No one was speaking. I found myself just looking around quietly… and that’s when I saw it. A lot of students were crying. Silently wiping their tears, trying to hide it, but it was still visible everywhere.
Tissue and I looked at each other. And honestly… we just laughed. Not because it wasn’t emotional. But because we both were sitting there like the only two people in a room full of tears, completely dry-eyed, looking around like we had missed some emotional signal everyone else received. Deep down, I think I did want to cry. But nothing came out. No tears. Just silence. I don’t even know why.
HOD ma’am then took a final photo with all of us and wished us a happy journey for whatever comes next in life. That moment felt… final in a very soft way.
After that, the next two lectures continued as usual. Sir explained important Biostatistics concepts and formulas, even cracking a joke somewhere in between. The first bench laughed loudly, while those of us at the back just looked at each other, trying to figure out what was even funny.
And then the last lecture came. Ma’am explained Developmental Biology in a neat flowchart style. Simple, structured… like she was quietly closing another chapter for us. Before ending, she spoke a little about careers in Biotechnology and told us that we could always reach out to faculty if we ever needed guidance. It didn’t feel like just information. It felt like reassurance. And then it was over. She announced that tomorrow would be a non-instructional day. This means no lectures tomorrow.
Just… silence. And somehow, that silence felt heavier than the class ever did. I keep wondering—why do endings feel so normal in the moment, but so heavy when you finally walk away from them?
28 February 2026 (Saturday) : A Quiet Day That Asked for Nothing
Today there were no lectures. No rushing in the morning, no notes to carry, no messages about schedules or deadlines. Just a completely free day. And yet… I didn’t really do anything with it. I stayed still most of the time. Not because I planned to rest, but because I didn’t feel like doing anything at all. Even small tasks felt distant, like they belonged to someone else’s life.
So I just let the day pass.
I watched random YouTube videos—one after another, without really paying attention to what came next. It wasn’t even entertainment anymore. Just something filling the silence in the background. There wasn’t any big thought, no event, no change.
Just a quiet day… sitting with itself. And me, sitting with it.
01 March 2026 (Sunday) : A Simple Day Ending in Quiet Prayers
I woke up late today. There was no rush, no urgency, just a slow start to the morning. I freshened up, took a bath, and then helped my mother with some household chores. Nothing unusual, nothing heavy. Just small, quiet tasks that filled the early part of the day.
After that, the day stayed mostly still. I didn’t really do anything, and strangely… I also didn’t feel the need to force myself into anything. I just let the hours pass in their own way.
When evening came, I washed the dishes and helped prepare dinner. After eating, I did the usual after-dinner chores including cleaning, washing, finishing what needed to be done before the day could finally settle down.
And then, everything slowed again. I went to bed quietly. Before sleeping, I found myself silently hoping for something simple… just a night without any terrible nightmares. No chaos in dreams, no fear pulling me awake.
