Weekly Diary : Week 35
02 February 2026 (Monday) : Between Delays, Discoveries, and Quiet Curiosity
Today I was already running late for college. I picked up my phone to text Tissue that she should go without me… but before I could even send it, I saw her message. She was late too. For a moment, I just stared at the screen. Then a small smile came on my face. So, somehow, both of us ended up being late together. We decided to attend college from the second lecture instead. There was no rush after that.
After coming back home, I slept.
When I woke up in the evening, I went to the xerox shop to take printouts of the journal content. Even something as simple as that felt like a task these days. While I was there, Tissue texted me. She was confused and couldn’t find some images. I explained whatever I could. It’s strange… I don’t talk much in person, but through messages, I somehow manage.
Then something unexpected happened. While scrolling through WhatsApp, I saw Baka’s status. It immediately caught my attention. It was a body dissection. For a second, I just stared at it. I didn’t understand what exactly I was looking at, but I knew it was interesting. I texted her. We hadn’t talked properly in a long time. After she went to Kolkata for her medical studies, she got busy. And honestly… I get it. We are all trying to build something for ourselves. But today, we talked again. Finally, I asked her what exactly the image was. She explained it to me. I even asked her permission to use that dissection image in my blogs, and she said yes.
Out of curiosity, I looked at that image again. This time, more closely. I observed every detail carefully, especially that one particular region. And then I realized, it was a male body because it has something which looks like penis… external genital organ. The lower abdomen region was dissected, and it was clearly visible. For a moment, I just sat there… amazed and just curious. How complex the human body is. How much there is beneath what we see every day.
And then a thought came to my mind, If this is how fascinating the lower abdomen looks… What about the heart? What about the brain? Suddenly, there is an urge to see dissection of heart and brain. Since I chose biology, something about these organs has always pulled me in. A quiet curiosity that doesn’t make noise, but never really goes away.
03 February 2026 (Tuesday) : Some Days Are Quietly Productive
Today there were online lectures from 7:45 to 11:00 am. I joined them, but honestly, I wasn’t fully there. My mind was somewhere in between listening and thinking… drifting in its own slow way. I didn’t force myself to be completely focused. I just let things be.
The rest of the day slowly slipped into college work. Bioinformatics research project. Report making. Editing the report again and again. It felt like I was doing the same thing in circles. Writing, checking, correcting… and still feeling like it’s not enough. Sometimes I wonder if I am too slow, or if this process is just supposed to feel tiring. But I didn’t stop. I kept going quietly.
In between all of this, there were my usual household chores. Washing. Cleaning. Cooking. Somewhere in between these small, repetitive tasks… random ideas for writing started coming into my mind. It was neither full stories nor complete scenes. Just small sparks.
04 February 2026 (Wednesday) : Between Stories, Submissions, and Small Escapes
Today started early. The college timing was from 7:45 to 10:00 am, but before stepping into that routine, I chose something else first. I worked on my one-shot short story. For a moment, I forgot about everything else.
After that, I left for college.
When I reached, presentations of other groups were still going on. Sitting there, watching others present, I felt both present and distant at the same time, like I was physically there, but mentally somewhere else.
Meanwhile, our official TY BT group was completely flooded. Messages kept coming one after another about passes, event notices, schedules, artists, competitions… all related to the college’s annual festival, Algeria. Honestly, I didn’t react much. But somewhere inside, I felt relieved. Because of this festival, there were less lectures. And right now, that felt like a small blessing.
By the time I came back home, the day felt a bit heavy but also incomplete.
In between all this, Tissue texted me. She asked me to send my Bioinformatics project. I paused for a second before replying. Mine was still incomplete, not ready. Not something I could send yet. So I told her the truth. But I had completed Mice’s project. So instead, I sent her Mice’s report. It felt a little strange—finishing someone else’s work before my own.
So in the evening, I returned to something that felt like mine again, writing stuff.
05 February 2026 (Thursday) : Between Cravings, Chaos, and Quiet Support
Today college was online from 7:45 to 10:00 am. I joined the lectures, but my mind… it wasn’t there. It kept drifting. To one very specific thought… masala dosa. I don’t even know if it was just hunger or a craving. But it felt so strong that I couldn’t focus on anything else. Because I got my periods this morning.
I sat there, listening to lectures half-heartedly, while silently cursing myself for being a girl. At that moment, I just wished I was a guy. At least I wouldn’t have to deal with this monthly cycle, this pain, this mood swing, this bleeding. It wasn’t a deep thought. Just a tired one.
I came out of that loop when a WhatsApp message popped up. It was from Tissue. She was asking something about the Reactome analysis report. We started talking about it, and slowly, my focus shifted. But then… the conversation took a turn. She mentioned her cousin brother. And I couldn’t stop laughing. The funny part? He is in the same class as us, TY Biotech (A division). And no one in the class knows they are cousins. They both want to keep it that way.
And he is completely opposite to Tissue. A total backbencher. Too chill and calm. Doing everything at the last moment. He is everything which is exactly opposite to how Tissue is. And now, this same guy asked Tissue to make his bioinfo report too… even saying, “Paise le le lekin bana ke de de.” I laughed so much at that. For a moment, everything felt light again. My mood lifted without me even trying.
After lectures ended, I went back to work. Most of my time went into editing the reference section of Mice’s report and preparing her plagiarism report. At the same time, my own report was still incomplete, my abstract and introduction needed editing, and my plagiarism report was still pending. It felt never-ending.
In the afternoon, Tissue texted me again. She was overwhelmed with the bioinfo project. And honestly, I understood. I felt the same. This project had already taken too much time and energy from all of us. On top of that, she had her own family issues going on. For a moment, I thought… Maybe I should just make her report too. I had already done Mice’s. So I offered her my help but she refused saying it’s not necessary because I already have my own work and other responsibilities. I didn’t force her. But somewhere inside, I noticed something, no matter how stressed she gets, she still won’t let me carry everything for her.
Then I went back to my own report. I edited it as per my mentor’s instructions, fixing the introduction, abstract, and editing references into APA format. At this point, I was just tired. I kept thinking when will I finally get rid of this report?
Evening came, and with it, my usual household chores. And in between all that, I got a message from Tissue again. She said she is glad to have people like me. I paused for a moment. It felt… nice. Later, while I was preparing dinner, she called me. She didn’t ask me to do her report. She just wanted guidance. And that’s when I realized, she trusts me, but she doesn’t want to burden me. So I helped her. While making roti, I was explaining steps to her, “First complete the Enrichr table to find out hub genes. It’s manual work, so it will take time. Then download the analysis report from Reactome for top 3 most significant pathways. And finally, improve the gene ontology (GO) table with proper relevance to your disease.”
She sent me her report. I checked it carefully. It wasn’t bad at all. It just needed structure. Her Gene-Association Table was correct. String network output was good. GeneMANIA output was also fine. Reactome pathway was present. But some parts were still incomplete like Gene ontology explanation, hub genes via Enrichr, and top pathways.
I guided her step by step. And just like that… My evening passed. Later, Mice texted me asking if I submitted my report on Google Classroom. I told her I would only submit it after my mentor approves it.
And in between all this… More journal content kept coming in the Practical group. One after another, I felt irritated. Because it just doesn’t stop. PPT, bioinfo, CA2, journals… everything coming back to back like we are machines.
Today was exhausting in its own way.
06 February 2026 (Friday) : The Dream I Couldn’t Forget
Today didn’t start with an alarm. It started with a nightmare. I woke up too early, but not in a peaceful way. Usually, waking up early without an alarm makes me feel good. But today was different. I didn’t wake up by choice. I woke up because I had to.
In my dream, I was in a garden. It was evening time. The sky was slowly fading, the sun about to set. The place felt quiet… too quiet. No people. Just trees, swings, open sky, and buildings surrounding the garden. I was sitting on the grass. There was a ball in my hand. And I was playing with someone. I don’t know who that person was. The face was blurred. I couldn’t recognize it no matter how much I tried. That person was sitting a little distance away from me, and we were just… playing catch. Throwing the ball and catching it. Again and again.
The strange part? I knew I was dreaming. And I recognized that garden. It was from my old place, the one where I spent almost 10 years of my life. A place people often ask me about. “Do you miss it?” I always smile and say nothing much. But the truth is… I don’t miss it. I was actually glad when I left that place. I don’t have many good memories from there, and maybe that’s why I don’t like remembering it.
But in that dream, I was back there. As if nothing had changed. We kept playing. And then suddenly… the ball fell down right between us into the water. I froze. Because there was no water there before. I remember that place clearly, there was never any water between that space. So where did it come from?
Still, I got up to pick the ball. I bent down and when I touched it… I felt something wet on my fingers. At first, I thought it was just water. But when I looked at my hand… It was red. One word I thought of… Blood. I knew it instantly. My mind went blank. I followed the drops falling from the ball… thick, red… dripping down slowly. And in that moment, something inside me just… snapped. I forced myself to wake up.
When I opened my eyes, I was scared to move. My body felt stuck. My eyes were fixed on the ceiling, blinking and trying to understand where I was… what just happened… what was real. Slowly, I forced myself to move. I sat up and took a deep breath.
I went to the washroom. After that, I drank some water. Everyone at home was still asleep. It was too early. I came back and sat on my bed, staring at nothing. I checked the time. It was still early enough to sleep again. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. I was scared. Scared that if I closed my eyes again, I would go back there… see that same thing again.
So instead, I opened my laptop. And started working on a one-shot story. Not because I wanted to. But because I needed a distraction. Something to pull me out of that feeling.
The rest of the day passed quietly. But honestly, I didn’t really do anything. I was just trying to forget. Trying to move on from that dream. Because whenever I see something like this… it stays with me longer than I want.
Maybe some dreams are not just dreams… They are memories, fears, or something we thought we had left behind. So I wonder… Are we really forgetting the past… or is it just waiting for the right moment to come back in the quietest way possible?
07 February 2026 (Saturday) : A Day That Didn’t Move
Today there were online lectures from 7:45 to 10:00 am. I joined them, but honestly, I don’t even remember much of what was taught. My body was there, but my mind and energy were somewhere else. Today was my third day of periods and it was heavy flow. The pain started quietly, but didn’t stay quiet for long. There was this constant ache in my lower abdomen, mixed with a dull back pain that just wouldn’t go away. No matter how I sat, how I lay down, how I tried to adjust… Nothing really helped. I kept shifting. Trying to find a comfortable position. But there wasn’t one.
Most of my day was spent lying down. Scrolling random YouTube videos without even paying attention to what I was watching. Just letting them play in the background, hoping it would distract me. I tried to sleep. Multiple times. But every time I closed my eyes, the pain pulled me back. So I just… stayed there. Waiting for the hours to pass.
At one point, I felt frustrated.mLike the whole day was wasted. No studying. No writing. No productivity. Just rest. But then, somewhere in between that frustration, I realized something, My body wasn’t asking me to do more. It was asking me to stop.
08 February 2026 (Sunday) : Holding Hands Over Fear
Today was quiet. Most of my time went into writing novels and one-shots. There was no rush, no pressure. Just me, sitting with my thoughts and turning them into something I could understand. It felt peaceful.
Evening came, and with it, a message from Tissue. We started talking, like we usually do about college and somehow, it turned into complaining about college, assignments, lectures, projects… everything. It felt like a loop we couldn’t step out of. But complaining together somehow made it lighter. Then she asked me about tomorrow’s plan. I didn’t think much before replying, “I don’t want to go. I’ll attend lectures and then sit in the library.”
That felt like the easiest option. But then she said something that made me pause. She said she will use the escalator. I don’t know why, but that one line made me uncomfortable. For others, it’s normal. For me… it feels dangerous. I have always preferred stairs. They feel safe. No sudden movements, no fear of slipping, no confusion about where to step. Escalators feel different. Like something can go wrong at any second. I wanted to say no and tell her to take the stairs instead. But I didn’t. Maybe because I didn’t want to sound weird. I didn’t want to stop her from something she finds normal. So instead, I said something else, “Just hold my hands… I am scared of it.”
It felt like a small sentence, but for me, it wasn’t easy to say. She replied, “Yeah, sure. No worries.” And somehow, that was enough. It’s not that I can’t use an escalator. It’s just that I don’t want to face that fear. If someone is there… if someone is holding my hand… It feels safe.
