Weekly Diary : Week 37
16 February 2026 (Monday) : When Relief Comes with Another Storm
The college timing was short—8:30 to 9:15 am—but the real thing waiting for us was the Bioinformatics PPT and viva from 10:30 onwards. Even though Tissue and I reached college on time, we didn’t go straight to class. Instead, we chose our usual spot near the engineering stairs. It felt safer there. We revised our PPTs, trying to prepare ourselves, even though inside, I wasn’t fully ready.
Around 9:10, we finally went to class, and HOD ma’am’s lecture was going on. But honestly, my mind wasn’t there. It kept drifting back to the presentation.
Soon, the process started. Faculty members began calling students, but some told us they would take ours around 11:05. That gave us time. Tissue decided to rehearse, and I opened my laptop. She started presenting in front of me right there in class at the last bench, and I just listened quietly, noticing how confidently she spoke.
Later, I practiced mine in a completely different way. I walked around the campus with Dragon, explaining my PPT while walking. Since her presentation wasn’t scheduled for today, she just listened to me. It felt strange… but also helpful.
Finally, around 11:05, sir called our batch. We went to the fourth-floor lab, but it was too crowded. So we shifted to another lab on the third floor filled with instruments like incubators, ovens, and shakers and that’s where the ATC & PTC lab situated nearby.
I was the first one. Roll no. 10. I opened my laptop, ready to present… but before I could even start, sir pulled the laptop toward himself and started looking at it. And then he began asking questions. For a moment, I froze. He didn’t even listen to my presentation. He directly started the viva. But somehow… I managed. Tools, outputs, findings, objectives, future scope—I answered everything he asked. When he told me to call the next student, I just quietly closed my laptop and stepped aside, still trying to process what just happened. Was this how it was supposed to go?
I texted Tissue that I was done, and she asked me to come to the fourth floor with the laptop. When I reached there, it was crowded again. I found her and told her what happened. She looked confused too, but before we could talk more, her roll number was called.
I sat there quietly and watched her. She was confident. Explaining smoothly, using hand gestures, shifting her eyes between the screen and ma’am. And ma’am was just listening, nodding.
When Tissue came back, she told me something unexpected. Ma’am didn’t take her viva. I almost laughed at the irony. Sir skipped my presentation and took only viva. Ma’am took only her presentation and skipped viva. We just looked at each other and did a small fist bump 🤜🤛—a silent way of saying, “We survived.”
Mice was still waiting. Her allotted ma’am was taking a lot of time with each student. We already knew hers would take a long time. She had given her PPT to another girl to save, so at least that was sorted. Tissue and I decided to leave.
When I reached home, I freshened up, had food, and lay down. I thought I would wake up in the evening… but instead, I woke up to my mother’s voice. And what she said made me sit up immediately. “Some ma’am called you.” My mind went blank for a second. I checked the contact. It was the same mentor under whom Tissue and I did our internship of membrane casting. I wondered if something was left.
When I called back, she said she wanted us to prepare a dope solution. I just sat there, staring at nothing. We had just finished the Bioinformatics stress… and now this? That internship was done long ago. Why now?
I texted Tissue, and as expected, she was also freaking out. We both didn’t want to do it, but we knew we had no choice. I told her I would skip lectures and come directly for the solution preparation. She agreed.
At night, I quietly sat and prepared notes for Food Processing & Analysis. My body was tired, but my mind refused to rest. Maybe this is what college life really is… not just studies, but constant waves of pressure, relief, and then pressure again.
17 February 2026 (Tuesday) : Searching for One Missing Piece aka NMP solution
Today, lectures were from 10:20 to 11:50 am. But just like I had decided yesterday, I didn’t attend them. Instead, I sat quietly in the library, preparing notes for the upcoming Food Processing & Analysis written exam. I told Tissue to text me once she was done with her lectures.
Around 12 pm, her message came. I packed my things, and we went to the MT lab together—already irritated, already tired, and already cursing the never-ending college work under our breath. We called ma’am to ask about the ingredients. She told us it would be in the same drawer as last time. We opened it. There were glass bottles, powders, reagents. Everything looked normal… until it didn’t. I paused. Wait. Where is the NMP solution? My eyes scanned the drawer again and again. There was nothing. There were three bottles labeled NMP… but all of them were empty.
For a second, I just stood there quietly, staring at them. Then slowly, frustration started rising inside me. How are we supposed to make a dope solution without the base? I checked again, hoping I missed something. But no, it wasn’t there. I called ma’am again. Even she sounded confused. She told us to check the 2nd floor lab. Tissue and I looked at each other. We both knew what we were thinking. This was going to take time.
We went to the 2nd floor lab. Still find nothing. At this point, panic started mixing with irritation. We were roaming from one lab to another—MT lab, then PCE lab—just searching for one solution that should have been there in the first place.
Almost one hour went by like this. One hour wasted because of someone else’s carelessness. Tissue had to go to the admission cell. I just wanted to go home. But instead, we were stuck in this loop—searching, asking, checking again.
Finally, after all that running around. We found the NMP solution. I didn’t even feel relief immediately, just exhaustion. We didn’t waste any more time. We quickly started the process. Measuring the solution. Weighing the reagents. Carefully mixing everything. Then we placed it in the sonicator for 15 minutes. After that, we transferred the glass bottles into the shaker. Step by step… quietly finishing what we came for. We clicked a photo, sent it to ma’am, and finally left the college.
Such a headache.
18 February 2026 (Wednesday) : A Quiet Win and an Unspoken Ending
Today, there were online lectures from 7:45 to 11:50 am. The lectures played in the background, but my focus was somewhere else. I sat quietly, continuing what I had been working on for days. And finally… I completed my notes for Food Processing & Analysis. I paused for a moment after writing the last line. Now I don’t have to panic before the exam. I can simply revise these notes, and even if I don’t know the exact answers, I will still be able to write something.
Later, Tissue texted me. Her message was different today. She was sad. I understood immediately. She had reached Layala’s part in the book. For a moment, I just stared at the chat. I already knew what she must be feeling. That heavy silence, that emotional ache that stays even after you stop reading. I wanted to tell her what happened next. I wanted to ease that feeling for her. But I stopped myself. Some stories are meant to be felt, not explained.
So instead, we just talked about the book, sharing thoughts, reactions, small emotions between the lines. I told her I would give her my review soon.
19 February 2026 (Thursday) : The Day I Did Nothing… Yet Felt Enough
It was a holiday from college. No lectures, no rushing, no pressure from the outside. Just a full day in front of me… and somehow, I chose to do nothing. I didn’t study. I didn’t revise. I didn’t even try.
Instead, I spent my time watching random YouTube videos, lying around, letting the day pass slowly. A part of me knew that tomorrow was the Food Processing & Analysis written exam… but I still didn’t feel like opening my notes.
The whole day went like that—quiet, slow, almost blank.
By evening, Tissue texted me about tomorrow’s exam. She suggested that we skip lectures and go directly for the exam. I agreed immediately. There was no point sitting through lectures on the day of the exam anyway. But then… the conversation took a funny turn. She suddenly became suspicious. She thought I had already studied and was just pretending that I didn’t.
For a moment, I didn’t know how to reply. Because technically… I did prepare notes. But I didn’t actually study them. I was just planning to look at them once before the exam and somehow manage to write and pass. I sat there, staring at her message, wondering how to explain something that even I wasn’t fully sure about.
And then… I started laughing. I could literally imagine her suspicious face—the way she must be overthinking it, trying to catch me lying. She has no idea how much I enjoy these small moments with her. Her clumsy, funny, slightly absent-minded behavior… her random jokes… They always make things lighter without even trying.
Even now, while writing this, I can’t stop smiling.
20 February 2026 (Friday) : Writing the Exam… Ignoring the Noise
Today lectures were scheduled from 9:00 to 10:30 am, and the written exam for Food Processing & Analysis was from 10:45 to 11:45 am. As Tissue and I had already decided yesterday, we skipped the lectures and went directly for the exam.
In the morning, I quietly opened my notes—the same notes I had completed just a day before. I didn’t rush. I just went through them slowly, line by line.
When I reached the exam hall, I felt strangely calm. Not fully confident, but not scared either. Just somewhere in between. The exam went on, and I wrote whatever I could. Thanks to those notes, I didn’t feel blank. Words came, even if they weren’t perfect.
In the middle of all this, a message popped up from HOD ma’am. She said that the Bioinformatics report must be published.
I read it once. And then… I pretended I didn’t see it. Because honestly, I didn’t have the energy for it. First, we made the report. Then, they asked for PPT. Then, viva. And now… publication? It felt like an endless loop. For a moment, frustration rose inside me. Why force something like this? If a student doesn’t want to publish, then why make it compulsory?
I just closed the message.
21 February 2026 (Saturday) : When Rules Stop Making Sense
Today there were offline lectures from 7:45 to 10:00 am and then an IDC lecture from 11:00 to 12:00 pm. But I didn’t attend any of them. Instead, I sat quietly in the library. At first, I tried to prepare notes for the IDC written exam. I opened my notebook, read a few lines… but my mind wasn’t there. Slowly, boredom started to creep in. So, without thinking much, I shifted to something that felt lighter. my one shot writing.
After some time, I left and came home. And then… a message popped up in the Official TY BT group from HOD ma’am. It was about paying breakage fees. I read it once. Then again. And something inside me just snapped. Breakage fee? For everyone? I sat there thinking… I didn’t break anything. Not in first year, not in second, not even now in my last year. Then why am I supposed to pay for it? If someone actually broke something, it makes sense for them to pay. But asking the whole department? For a moment, I just stared at the message, feeling this mix of anger and helplessness. It felt unfair. Like we were just expected to accept it without questioning.
And a strange thought crossed my mind. If we are paying anyway… then what’s the difference? Why not actually break something? Pipettes. Watch glass. Flasks. Or even bigger things—centrifuge, incubator. Only then would this “breakage fee” actually make sense. I didn’t act on it, of course. It was just frustration speaking. But that thought itself made me realize how tired I am of all this.
Before I could calm down, another message came. This time from Tissue. Her bioinformatics mentor had sent a template and asked her to edit her report. She was angry and frustrated. Almost panicking. She didn’t want to publish the report at all. Her messages kept coming, one after another, filled with irritation. And I just read them quietly, understanding every word without needing to say much.
But somewhere inside, another thought started building. What if my mentor also asks me to edit it? That would be a nightmare. After everything we already did… going back again, editing, publishing—it felt exhausting just thinking about it. So silently, in my own way, I just hoped. I hope ma’am forgets my existence. Maybe that sounds wrong. But at this point, it felt like the only peaceful option.
Today wasn’t about doing something big. It was about sitting with frustration, noticing unfairness, and still choosing not to react loudly.
22 February 2026 (Sunday) : Still Figuring It Out
I spent almost all my time writing. Not just writing stories, but trying to understand my own writing. I kept noticing patterns, thinking about processes, trying to build something that actually works for me. But the truth is… I didn’t really know what I was doing. I was just going with the flow. Whatever thought came to my mind, I followed it. Sometimes it made sense, sometimes it didn’t.
Still, by the end of the day, I could see a small glimpse of something forming. Like a rough outline of a system… not clear, not complete, but there. And I know it will take more time. A lot more.
In between all this, college decided to remind me that peace doesn’t last long. A message came—hall tickets will not be given without paying the breakage fees.
I just stared at it. Again the same thing. It instantly ruined my mood. Then Tissue texted me asking for my Research Methodology & Biostatistics notes. I had written them during lectures, though my handwriting was honestly… terrible. Still, I clicked pictures, converted them into a PDF, and sent it to her. While sending it, one thought stayed in my mind. Will she even understand this? Even I struggle to read my own handwriting sometimes.
After that, Mice texted me. Her mentor had also sent her a template and told her to edit and format the report again for publication. But she has laptop issues, so she won’t be able to do it.
Usually, I would have helped her without thinking. But today… I couldn’t. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I already had too much on my plate. There were other things I had to manage. And also… I have to visit the hospital. That thought itself made me pause. I texted Tissue that I won’t be able to come to college tomorrow because of it. She replied simply, okay, take care.
And after that, my mind just stayed there. What will the doctor say? I don’t know. But one thing I know for sure… I don’t want any surgery.
