Weekly Diary : Week 36
09 February 2026 (Monday) : When Anger Spoke Louder Than Silence
College was from 8:30 to 11:05 am. As we had planned yesterday, Tissue and I used the escalator at the station. She held my hand, and for a moment, I felt embarrassed. A small, quiet thought kept repeating in my head—what will she think of me? Someone who is scared of an escalator? But when I looked at her, there was no judgment. Still, I couldn’t shake off the habit of assuming people would laugh. Maybe it comes from somewhere deeper. Then I told myself quietly—so what if I’m scared? It’s my fear, not theirs. Even then, I know one thing for sure… I will always prefer stairs. At least my legs work fine. Unlike those who rely on escalators. Lazy people with weak legs… I smiled a little at that thought.
We reached college. Tissue went to class. I went to the library.
I sat there, lost in my novel, finally feeling a little at peace. Time passed quietly until my phone buzzed. It was Tissue. I was surprised, lectures weren’t supposed to end this early. “Last lecture got cancelled,” she said.
I thought we would go home early together. That small hope didn’t last long.
Tissue: Today’s bioinformatics presentation & viva… and the faculty wants PPT too. HOD ma’am just announced. It’s our responsibility to remind them.
For a second, I just stared at the message. Are they mad? Something inside me snapped. Their responsibility… our reminder? My thoughts turned sharp and restless. If they forgot, how is that our fault? Why do we always have to carry everything?
Me: “I’m not coming. I’m going home.”
And I did. I left just like that. Tissue stayed back. I didn’t understand why. Maybe she had her reasons. But I couldn’t stay there anymore. Not today. On my way home, another message came. “From 11:05, there will be journal correction.”
I almost laughed, but not in a good way. It felt like everything was happening without any sense, without any warning. Do they even know what planning means?
I reached home, freshened up, ate, took my medicine, and picked up a book. But my mind… it was still in that college building. Messages kept coming in the practical group. One faculty announced that the written exam of Food Processing & Analysis would be on 20th February. Then HOD ma’am sent the mentor-student list. That probably meant the PPT and viva were rescheduled.
I texted Tissue. No reply. Minutes passed. Then more. My mind started doing what it always does—thinking too much. Is she angry? Did I do something wrong? What happened there?
Finally, in the evening, she replied. Her battery had died. Then she told me everything. What happened in college today… It made my anger feel justified. Journal content was given on the spot. Students were told to write immediately. Then get prints. Stick to them. Get them corrected… all in one go. And still, the faculty pointed out mistakes and scolded them. At one point, they said remaining students could come tomorrow. Then they took it back because tomorrow was online. Suddenly, everything had to be done today or late remarks and marks deduction will be there. Students rushed. Wrote. Printed. Stuck pages. Waited. And in the end? Some journals weren’t even checked because faculty time was over. They just left for home.
I sat there, listening, feeling a mix of anger and helplessness. What was the point of all that pressure then? Tissue said everyone in class was frustrated. She reached home in the evening. And then I thought about Mice. If Tissue, who lives closer, reached that late… Mice, who travel far, must have reached around 5 or 6 pm. All because of poor planning. That thought stayed with me longer than anything else.
10 February 2026 (Tuesday) : The Silence Between Asking and Not Asking
There were online lectures from 7:45 to 11:50 am. I stayed logged in, listening just enough for attendance. In reality, my mind and hands were somewhere else, trying to finish all the pending college work that had been piling up.
One by one, I started clearing things. I completed my IDC assignment. Then I made changes in my bioinformatics report as my mentor had told me. After that, I worked on the bioinformatics PPT. And finally, the journal. The same journal that has to be corrected tomorrow. Because after that, there’s the practical exam. Even though tomorrow is supposed to be online lectures, the faculty had already sent a message: students who haven’t completed journal correction must report to the 3rd floor lab.
So, there was no real “online day.” Just another day to show up.
By night, I was still working on the journal. That’s when I got stuck. There were some pictures and I didn’t understand where to stick them. I stared at the pages for a long time, hoping the answer would just come on its own. It didn’t. My first thought was to ask Tissue. But then I paused. She had already told me she was going through a lot. What if I disturb her? Then I thought of Mice… but she has health issues. What if she’s resting? Then Dragon came to my mind… but I was not sure whether she had completed it or not.
I sat there, stuck between needing help and not wanting to bother anyone. After a lot of hesitation, I finally texted Tissue, just to ask if she had completed it or not. She had. But her journal wasn’t checked yet. I called her, but the moment I heard her voice, I could tell she was tired. Maybe because of family issues. I didn’t ask for more. I didn’t want to add anything to her plate. So I kept it short and ended the call.
Time passed. Everyone at home went to sleep. The house became quiet. But my mind wasn’t. I kept looking at those same pages, those same pictures, trying to understand something I probably would have understood if I had attended the pharmacology experiments properly.
And then, just when I had almost given up, my phone buzzed. It was Tissue. She asked if I needed help… if I understood where to stick the pictures. For a second, I just looked at the message. The truth was I didn’t understand. I wanted help. But something inside me stopped me again.
I replied, “No need, I understood.”
She asked again, “Really?”
And I said, “Yeah.”
After that, I just… placed everything as it is. Not because I was sure. But because I was tired of overthinking. I decided I would fix it tomorrow itself.
11 February 2026 (Wednesday) : The Day I Learned That Asking Isn’t Weakness
Today started early, even though it was supposed to be an online lecture day. As per instructions, students who had pending journal correction had to report to the lab at 7:45 am. I was one of them. Mice and Tissue were also left with their journals.
When I reached, Tissue got to know that I still had some sticking work pending in my journal. And she scolded me. Not harshly… but enough to make me pause.
“Why didn’t you ask?”
Before I could even answer, she sat with me and helped me. She told me what to stick, where to stick, and on which pages. I stayed quiet, just following her instructions. But inside… something felt different. I had spent last night overthinking. What if I disturb them? What if they are busy? And here they were… not annoyed, but actually upset that I didn’t ask. For a moment, I felt something warm. Maybe… I really do have good people around me.
After that, I got my pharmacology journal corrected. But my Research Methodology & Biostatistics part was still pending. Sir was supposed to come at 9:15 am, so I had to wait. Meanwhile, Tissue and Mice got their journals certified and even got HOD ma’am’s signature on the certificate page. After that, they went to the computer lab for Biostatistics experiment practice. I stayed back in the lab and attended online lectures from there, earphones in. There were other students too.
Then something funny happened. It was the second lecture which was Food Processing and Analysis. From the lab, I could clearly see ma’am through the glass since the staff room was attached nearby. I could see her speaking. But I couldn’t hear anything. At first, I thought the issue was on my side. Then a guy from my class, sitting a few seats away with wired earphones, called me and asked, “Can you hear anything?”
I shook my head. We both looked at ma’am again… then at our screens… and then it hit us. Ma’am was on mute. For a second, we just stared and then we both started laughing quietly. She was speaking continuously… completely unaware.
And the funniest part? No one in the online class was telling her. After some time, she finally realized and said, “I was on mute and nobody was telling me.” That moment felt oddly light in the middle of all the chaos.
Soon, more students started coming into the lab. It got crowded. Then a message came: No more lectures for today, prepare for the practical exam.
Finally, after some time, sir arrived. I got my journal corrected, but as expected, he was irritated and gave me a late remark.
I texted Tissue and Mice that my correction was done, but HOD ma’am’s signature was still pending. She asked us to wait till 11:05 as she was taking a lecture. So I waited outside, near the stairs and corridor. While I was waiting, a random guy came and asked me which class I was from.
I told him, “TY Biotech.”
He looked at me for a second… and then laughed, “Sorry, I thought you were in first year.”
I didn’t say anything out loud. But in my mind—seriously? I’m in my last semester. He asked for the biotech staff room, and I gave him directions. Still, that small moment stayed with me. I know I’m short. But does that make me look like a first-year student? And today I was wearing an oversized black t-shirt with Shinchan printed on it… maybe that added to it. I shook the thought away.
Soon, HOD ma’am came, and I got her signature on the stairs itself. A quiet sigh escaped me. Finally… it’s done. I went to the computer lab, met Tissue and Mice, and we left for home together.
Ma’am had also informed about tomorrow’s practical exam:
Reporting time: 8:30 am.
Bring: lab coat, lab slippers, labeled journal, all stationery.
Lab 1 (Fourth Floor): 7401 to 7431
Lab 2 (Third Floor): 7432 to 7462
In the evening, Tissue and I discussed tomorrow’s practicals, what experiments might come, what to write, how to perform them. I looked at the list again: MAJOR & MINOR (To be prepared…)
At night, after taking one last overview, I packed my bag with lab coat, slippers, journal, loop, pipettes, and all the essentials.
And then I finally went to sleep.
12 February 2026 (Thursday) : Some Days Feel Like Survival, Not Success
We left early in the morning because the reporting time for the practical exam was 8:30 am. As always, Tissue and I met and took an auto from the station to college.
When we reached, the atmosphere already felt heavy. Students were everywhere, some revising with their journals wide open, some explaining things to their friends, some quietly going through notes again and again. It felt like everyone was trying to hold onto whatever they could remember. Tissue and I sat down, and soon Mice joined us. The three of us started revising for the last time. Not perfectly… just enough to feel a little less lost.
Then the moment came. We wore our lab coats. Removed our shoes and changed into lab slippers. Girls tied their hair into buns. Bags were kept outside on the rack. Everything felt routine… but inside, it wasn’t. One small thing that made me feel slightly better—I didn’t get the first bench this time. I wasn’t directly in front of the faculty. That itself felt like a relief.
The practical exam was… okayish. I was able to write. I managed to answer a few questions during the viva. After it ended, everyone started discussing the exam. Comparing answers. Overthinking what went right and what went wrong. Tissue, Mice, and I just… left together. There was a quiet understanding between us. We survived this. But just when I thought the day was over, a message came—“everyone has to wait after the practical exam.”
I paused. What now? It turned out sir wanted to give instructions for tomorrow’s Biostatistics practical exam. Another exam. Another round. By the time everything was finally over, my head had started to ache. Not badly… just enough to remind me how tired I was. I just wanted to go home.
In the evening, I sat down with my brother—Gaajar—to understand Biostatistics experiments. Honestly, I didn’t understand much on my own. At the same time, Tissue was texting me. She was also confused. I replied to her… then went back to my brother. He explained everything slowly about what to do, what kind of questions might come, how to solve them. We stayed up late, going through things again and again. He even told me to practice questions from the journal. So I tried. And surprisingly… I was able to solve some of them. But confidence? That was still missing. What if I’m doing it wrong? What if tomorrow everything goes blank again? Still, for the first time, I had at least some idea of what to do. I texted Tissue, “I got an idea… come early tomorrow, I’ll try to explain it to you.”
After that, I shut down my laptop. Before sleeping, I quietly thanked my brother.
13 February 2026 (Friday) : The End That Didn’t Feel Like an End
Today was the last day of our practical exams. I thought I would feel relieved and free. But the day didn’t start that way. As always, we first had to complete the result and conclusion of yesterday’s experiments. Then came identification. And that’s where things went wrong for me. I couldn’t answer it properly. My mind just… didn’t respond the way I wanted it to. The identification part went badly. I knew it even before it ended. I didn’t say anything. I just accepted it quietly.
After that, we were shifted to the computer lab for the Biostatistics experiment. We sat according to our roll numbers. I tried to stay calm this time. I followed what I had understood yesterday. I was able to perform the practical… step by step. But when it came to the written part, again, it wasn’t good. It felt incomplete. Still, somehow… It ended.
After finishing in the computer lab, we returned to the lab again. Ma’am told us to sign the attendance sheet and that we could leave. I walked out of the lab, carrying a strange mix of feelings.
When I reached home, it finally hit me… Practical exams are over. All of them. Now, only one thing remains—the IDC exam on 26th February. I should feel relaxed.
14 February 2026 (Saturday) : The Quiet Choice of Showing Up Early
Today, the lectures were scheduled from 9:25 to 11:40 am, and then again from 12:00 to 1:30 pm for IDC. But I didn’t attend them. Instead, I reached college early and went straight to the library. There’s something about being early that I like. The quiet halls, the empty seats, the feeling that the day hasn’t rushed in yet. It gives me space… to settle my thoughts before everything begins.
I sat there, doing my own work, slowly getting into a rhythm. Then my phone buzzed. It was Tissue. She was surprised and almost shocked that I was already in the library. I smiled a little. Maybe it does seem unusual. After all, lectures were starting at 9:25 am. Most people would arrive just on time… or maybe a little late. But for me, coming early has become a habit. Even when lectures start at 8:30, I still try to reach early if I can. That small extra time… it helps me build momentum. It makes the day feel a little more under control. I didn’t explain all this to her. I just replied simply.
Time passed quietly in the library. And when it came to the IDC lecture… I didn’t attend that either. I was hungry. So I packed my things and left for home.
15 February 2026 (Sunday) : A Slow Day Before Another Storm
I woke up late today. Around 8:00 am. My whole body was aching. I just lay there for a moment, trying to understand why. Was it because of my lazy routine? Or just the result of everything catching up with me? I didn’t have an answer. I just got up and moved on.
The day felt repetitive. Household chores… small tasks… nothing new. Evening came, and like always, I prepared dinner, cleaned up, and followed the same routine. It was one of those days where nothing really happens, but everything still feels heavy.
In between all this, ma’am sent a message that tomorrow is our bioinformatics project presentation and viva. It will start from 10:20 am, depending on the availability of allotted teachers. That message stayed at the back of my mind the whole day.
Later, Tissue texted me. She was talking about the book I had returned to her long ago—As Long As The Lemon Trees Grow. I could tell from her messages that the book was affecting her deeply. I smiled a little and replied, “Wait till you reach Layala’s part.”
I could already imagine her reaction when she gets to that part. But she immediately replied that she’s scared and doesn’t want any spoilers. I nodded to myself and typed, “Okay okay, go ahead, read it.”
Some moments are better experienced, not told. In the evening, she texted me again, this time about the Bioinfo PPT. I sent her my PPT so she could get an idea of what to do. Mice had already prepared her PPT since I had made her report earlier. She sent me her PPT too, asking me to carry it on my laptop. Tissue also asked me the same. So now, all three PPTs were saved in my laptop. Ready for tomorrow.
One more thing felt strange today. All of us got different allotted faculty for the presentation. But the irony? Mice’s mentor for the Bioinformatics report got allotted to me for the presentation. And Tissue… She got the same ma’am for both her report and presentation. What a weird coincidence. I didn’t know whether to laugh about it or just accept it.
