Weekly Diary : Week 11
18 August 2025 (Monday) : The Rain, The Journals, and The Sleep
I woke up late today—no surprise there. Yesterday I stayed up like an idiot finishing my journal work. My parents told me not to go to college due to heavy rain. “It’s raining, stay home,” they said, like rain was some apocalyptic disaster. I looked outside. The sky was dark.
For a second, I thought maybe they were right. Then Tissue texted me, asking the same question: should we go or not? Her parents were also saying the same “don’t go, beta.” Both of us were confused because today was the due date for journal checking. I had literally sacrificed sleep for those pages, and if ma’am didn’t sign them today, that meant a “late remark.” I wasn’t about to waste my sleepless night like that.
Papa told me, “So jaao. Jo hoga dekha jaayega.” Very practical advice. But obviously, I didn’t listen.
Tissue and I decided to go anyway.
We arrived late. Honestly, I prayed that ma’am would shut the door in my face so I could sneak off to the Xerox shop and take print. But no, of course not. Ma’am let us in. She even let students who were twenty minutes late. Maybe due to heavy rain.
During the break, I ran for prints, cut and stuck them like a school kid making craft homework. By the end, Fermentation Technology experiments were checked, some Genetic Engineering and Genomics experiments too, but Medical Microbiology remained untouched. Ma’am postponed it because, surprise surprise, the rain made everyone run home.
When I finally left, the roads looked like rivers. Water everywhere. Part of me wanted to jump and splash like a kid—chhapak chhapak chhap chhap. Kya maja aa jaata paani me chhap chhap karke. Phir mummy phatake lagaati dhhap dhhap karke. I laughed at my own thoughts 😂🤣. But reality: I’m on my periods. Last day, yes, but still not in the mood to risk a red horror story in the middle of flood water.
By the time I reached home, I was half-soaked anyway. My clothes, my bag, my books—everything was dripping. I just dumped it all to dry and went to clean up. Ate, then collapsed into bed. And let me tell you, that nap? Pure bliss. Straight heaven. Kasam se dopahar me jo soyi thi na, maza aa gaya tha… thanda thanda Mausam, fan on, kambal leke, waah bhai waah… kya neend aayi thi… 😌😴😪🥱. I woke up in the evening feeling guilty for wasting hours but honestly, I’d do it again. Sleep was worth it.
Later, I wrote my blog, published it, and then ended the night by deciding with Tissue that tomorrow, we’re not going. Decision made, no debates
19 August 2025 (Tuesday) : Deadlines, Siyappas, and One Random Realization
What’s worse—waking up too early or waking up for no reason at all? Today I got both. At 3 a.m., I opened my eyes, grabbed my phone, and saw a notice in our TY Biotech group. Classes were going online because of heavy rain. I smiled, turned off my brain, and went back to sleep.
Of course, my body decided to betray me and woke me up again at 7. Fine. I checked the schedule—lectures would start at 9:15. Perfect. More sleep. At 8, I dragged myself out, freshened up, took a bath, and sat for the online class.
After that, I quickly edited my internship report and PPT. We had to submit it to the Engineering HOD, the same lady who had interviewed us for the internship. Also, the same report was due on our TY Exam Google Classroom. My plan? Submit it at the last possible minute.
Then I started making short notes for Fermentation Technology practicals, only to see a new notice. The submission date for the internship report was extended. EXTENDED !!! I just finished mine, and now they’re playing date-date games. Amazing. Instead of feeling relieved, I felt robbed. Still, I polished the report further, ignoring the assignment that was actually due tomorrow.
Eventually, I came back to reality and worked on the Fermentation Technology assignment. By night, I was done. That’s when Tissue texted me—ek siyappa ho gaya hai related to fermentation technology assignment and kisi ko kuch samjh nahi aa raha hai, even toppers bhi confused hai—turns out nobody understood the plagiarism thing. My timing was perfect. I had just finished the damn thing, and now the whole class was in chaos. My reaction? Cold silence. I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to stress over this mess. I didn’t even practice my story writing because of this stupid assignment, and now the class was having a meltdown. Great. I shut it down, went to sleep, and decided ma’am could deal with us tomorrow.
But here’s the strange part—between all this nonsense, I realized something important. A few days ago, I watched a TED Talk. The guy said: set a goal, forget the goal, fall in love with the process, and the goal will eventually come to you. At the time, I thought it was motivational junk. But now? I know it’s true.
I’ve lived it twice.
First with my blogs. I started writing for money, for views. But after some time, I stopped caring. I wrote for myself and not the outcome. Slowly, my blogs improved—the thumbnails, the tone, the formatting—everything became more polished & consistent without me even chasing perfection.
The second time was during my 10th board exams. My goal was good marks, but instead of chasing the numbers, I worked on the process—practice papers, revisions, written tests, question banks. Day after day. And the result? Better than I ever imagined.
So maybe that TED guy wasn’t spewing garbage after all.
-> Set a goal.
-> Forget the goal & outcome.
-> Focus on the process and follow it consistently.
-> The result takes care of itself.
Now the real question is—can I apply this again at this phase of my life? Or will I just go back to my lazy, chaotic ways tomorrow?
Let’s apply this new learning by executing what’s in my mind, at least for the upcoming weeks.
20 August 2025 (Wednesday) : Silent Distance
Do people ever stop pretending? That’s the thought I had this morning when I logged into my online lectures. Another screen, another voice talking, and me—just sitting there, half-listening, half-existing. When it was over, I didn’t feel smarter, just more tired. So, I drowned myself in YouTube videos about writing, about genres… as if watching them will magically make me a better writer. Spoiler: it doesn’t. But still, I clicked, scrolled, and watched.
The real highlight—or maybe the only highlight—was my parents leaving for Nashik. Some temple. I don’t remember the name. They seemed oddly excited, almost like two people who suddenly decided to like each other again. I wanted to laugh at the irony—two people who fight almost every day now taking a holy trip together. But a part of me wondered… maybe they needed it. Maybe distance from us, or maybe from this house, would do them good.
I told myself it’s good for them. They’ll finally get time alone. Maybe they won’t fight. Maybe. And if they do? Not my problem. I’ve stopped wasting energy on hoping for things that never stay.
21 August 2025 (Thursday) : The Choice I Made
Today was supposed to be about offline lectures. I didn’t attend. Not because I couldn’t, but because I didn’t want to. Simple. No guilt, no excuses. Just a choice I made. Staying home felt easier than dragging myself into a room full of faces and noise that I hate.
Later, Tissue told me that Ma’am gave out practical instructions for Fermentation Technology. And, of course, the practical exam is set for this Monday. I heard the news, nodded, and moved on.
22 August 2025 (Friday) : The Art of Not Caring
“What’s the point of showing up when I don’t feel like it?”
That was the first thought in my head this morning. College had lectures, sure, but I didn’t move. Not because I couldn’t—because I didn’t want to. Simple. No excuses, no drama. Just a choice.
Instead, I sat with YouTube playing on my screen. Random videos on writing, genres, storytelling—things that made sense to me.
Evening rolled in, and a message from the HOD popped up. Tomorrow, she said, we’ll get our marksheets from Semester 1 to 4. Everyone will probably show up nervous or excited. I won’t. My plan? Same as today. I won’t attend. Why should I?
23 August 2025 (Saturday) : The Day I Wasn’t There
Do you ever regret not being somewhere, not because of what you missed, but because of what someone else had to face without you? That was me today. Cold and careless as I usually am, but for once, I wished I had shown up.
Yesterday, I had already decided not to attend college today. And I stuck to it. My plan? YouTube. Writing, genres, storytelling—basically, wasting time in a way I like. Nothing new. While I sat in comfort, Tissue was living through chaos. And for the first time, I wished I was there with her. But I wasn’t there.
It started simple. I texted Tissue in the morning, “I won’t attend college today.” As always, she said “ok.” That’s our usual routine. I went back to watching videos. Around 8:16 am, a message dropped in our official TY group—lectures would start from 10:20 am. I rolled my eyes and kept watching. A few minutes later, Tissue messaged me with frustration, throwing crying emojis at that official notice. I was confused. It’s Saturday, which means lectures begin at 9:15. That also means Tissue would’ve left college around 8:15 or 8:30. And now, it’s already 8:30 a.m.—time to walk out. Why was she still texting? Then she explained.
Tissue: “Aaj mere bada bhai ne bola ki mai chhod deta hu tujhe college. Jabki mujhe thodi der baad nikalana tha. Phir bhi mai sochi ki chali jaati hu. Phir jaldi pahuchi to college waale message karte hai ki 10:20 se lecture hai. Ek din pahle nahi message kar sakte kya ghatiya log. 😭😭”
Me: “Behan tu itni jaldi college pahuch gayi kya?” 💀
Tissue: “Haa jii. Mujhe library me baithna pada.” 😭
Me: “Sorry to laugh. 🙂”
Tissue: “Yes, u can, no need to say sryy. Maine watchman aunty se ladai kar liya.”
Me: “Kyu?”
Tissue: “Mai ID lekar enter ki thi phir bhi mujhe bahut bura chillaya. Maine bola ki mere pass ID hai aur mai lekar hi chal rahi hu, to vo bolti hai ki dikhana chahiye na. I said ki aap baaki logo ka to nahi dekh rahe ho, mera hi ID dekhna hai aapko. Vo phir chillane lagi. Mai enter kar gayi phir bhi bahut bura chillaya. 😭😭”
Me: “What the hell..?? Vo logo ko chillane ki kya jarurat thi.”
Tissue: “Mujhe rona aa raha hai. Regret bhi ho raha hai.”
Me: “Tumhari koi galati nahi hai. Khud par blame mat karo.”
Tissue: “Maine first time aise back answer diya vo bhi jor se. Pahale hi I was frustrated timing ko leke.”
Me: “Koi na. Koi na.”
Tissue: “Actually I think ki problem mujhse nahi kisi aur cheez se hai. I know it very well.”
Me: “What do you mean by that?”
Tissue: “Let it be.”
I paused. Something about her words clicked in my mind.
Me: “Kya mai jo soch rahi hu vahi to nahi …?”
Tissue: “Maybe yes.”
Me: “Suno, aise logo ki vajah se khud ke baare me vaisa kuch sochne ki koi jarurat nahi hai.”
Tissue: “Hmmm.. That’s why I don’t want to live here.”
Me: “College hi vaisa hai, there are very bad people.”
Tissue: “I know, I am disturbing you but I really wanted to speak out to feel better.”
Me: “Who told you ki tum disturb kar rahe ho?”
Tissue: “Itni khushi thi ki subah subah bhai chhodega.. Pura mood kharab kar diya.”
Me: “Suno ek kaam karo, bhai ko return bulao aur ghar chale jaao. Marksheet ka monday ko dekh lenge.”
Tissue: “Bhai kahi jaa raha tha isiliye chhod diya.”
Me: “Oooh.. Ola?”
Tissue: “Haa, ola kar sakti hu. Mai thodi der me message karti hu. Mujhe bahut ajib lag raha hai.”
Me: “Are you ok? Mask nikalo, khuli hawa me jaao, paani piyo and deep breaths lo. Mujhe vaha hona chahiye tha.”
But then silence. Minutes passed. No reply. I texted again.
Me: “Are you okay na..? Uncle ya aunty ko bula lo, meri baat maano aur ghar chale jaao. Oyee, ab tum mujhe darra rahe ho.”
Finally, after 15 minutes, she replied.
Tissue: “Washrrom gayi thi then abhi class me hu. Rokar puri aankhe red ho gayi thi. Now, I am feeling better.”
Me: “Mujhe vaha hona chahiye tha.”
Tissue: “Mice abhi aayi aur vo bhi puch rahi hai ki kya hua?”
Me: “Mice aur tum saath baitho aaj ke din.”
Tissue: “I have noticed ki jab tum saath nahi rahte ho to mere saath kuch na kuch hota hi hai.”
Me: “Right now, I should be there with you.”
Her words stopped me. That one line—“jab tum saath nahi rahte ho to mere saath kuch na kuch hota hi hai.”
It hit differently. People call me nerdy, cold, and introverted. Maybe they’re right. But when she said that, I wanted to know what she actually thought of me. I asked her to reply honestly.
Tissue: “Arre I mean tumahre saath din achha jata hai and tumahre bina mere saath kuch na kuch kaand ho jata hai. Lucky charm ho tum. I meant ki whenever you are there my days go well and whenever you are not I do something stupid and regret… Aadat ho gayi hai saath rah rah kar. Thank you for everything. Ma’am aa gayi hai, I will message you later.”
And there it was. Something I had never felt before. I don’t even have a name for it. But it stayed.
Me: “I should be the ONE to say to you – Thanks for being my friend.”
She got busy with class, and I didn’t text further. But that strange feeling stayed with me all day.
In the evening, we talked about college—assignments, fermentation technology practical exams, Monday’s schedule, etc. Normal stuff.
Night came, and my mind refused to shut up. Her words kept looping. I started replaying our moments—sharing tiffin, last-minute revisions outside exam halls, eating at the engineering stairs, me bunking lectures to sit in the library while she updated me, our stupid jokes in between lectures. I always believed there was no reason for me to attend college. I don’t even want to do this biotech. I’m not a topper, not an achiever—I’m just the background noise in class. My aim is simple: study just enough to pass. Never do anything that puts me in the spotlight, especially in front of the faculty. My circle is small, and most of them already have their own lives, so why bother forcing memories with them?
But there’s one person… for whom my presence actually matters. Someone who feels her day goes better if I’m around. There is one person whose day gets better just because I exist. And I call her Tissue.
Still, one thing makes me angry—why shout at someone over an ID card when the person is literally carrying it? Kisko shauk hai kya subah-subah kisi aur ke college me ghusne ka jo ye log itna ID ID chillate hai? These people behave like their college is a gold mine we’ll steal from.
So yeah. I wasn’t there today, but I wish I was. I wish I was there for her.
My parents returned in the night after visiting the temple. I hope they had a great time.
24 August 2025 (Sunday) : A Sunday Lost to Journals, Deadlines
Ever wondered how a Sunday can disappear in front of your eyes? Mine did.
My whole day went into writing and completing the journal. I spent hours on medical microbiology and genetic engineering experiments. Honestly, medical microbiology alone was a nightmare—so many microorganisms to write about. I could have chilled, but then Tissue reminded me that tomorrow some experiments will be checked, or we’ll get a late remark. Well, no choice. I had to finish all the experiments, no matter whose turn it was to be corrected.
And of course, the main twist—tomorrow is also our Fermentation Technology practical exam. The faculty informed us that journal correction would run from 7:45 to 10:00 am, and from 10:10 am onwards, the practical exam starts. Seriously? College waalo tumko paap lagega. Paapi log..!! Jarsa sa bhi insaniyat nahi hai tum logo me..?
From morning to evening, I was stuck writing. College waalo tumko narak me bhi jagah nahi milegi… I thought it would be faster—but no. Hours slipped by like minutes. I even hoped I’d get a little time to revise Fermentation Technology, so I could say something in the viva, but time wasn’t on my side.
Finally, I finished the journal and thought, okay, now I can sleep. But then I remembered—my internship report still had to be submitted to the TY Exam Google Classroom. Checking the GC, I realized the first page needed editing because the coordinator wanted it in a specific format. Great. So I stayed up, edited the page, and finally submitted it around 11:30 pm—half an hour before the deadline.
So yeah, I went to my Fermentation Technology practical exam completely unprepared. What will happen? We’ll see.
Before sleeping, I managed to watch some YouTube videos about the publishing industry and did a little research. At least some part of my brain didn’t completely shut down.
Another week gone. Mostly me, my laptop, and my journals. Lectures? Skipped. College? Mostly absent. College feels like background noise—something to endure rather than enjoy. I spent my time writing, editing, completing assignments on my own terms.
Yet, there were moments that made me pause. Tissue’s messages, her frustrations, the way she relied on me—it was strange, unsettling, but quietly… satisfying. People call me rude, cold. Maybe they’re right. But seeing someone’s day improve just because I’m there… That’s new. That’s something I can’t just ignore.
Tissue’s message changed something. There’s a feeling I still can’t name. I thought being attached makes me weaker, that it only leads to regret. I prefer to mind my own business, stay cold—but I was wrong. When she told me how my presence makes her day better, I felt… something. A reason to attend college, a reason to care. I don’t know. And I can’t let go of that moment yet. Maybe it’s normal, maybe it’s not. Maybe I’m dramatic. Or maybe I’m just… weird…
I don’t know what comes next, but I decided something. No more skipping lectures. No more hiding in the library. No more being absent. I will attend college—for her. If my presence makes her day better, I will be there. No one has made me feel this before—not even now, while writing this. Strange, dangerous even, because I might get used to it. What happens after graduation? I don’t know. But right now, there’s someone who gives me a reason to show up in college, no matter how much I hate it.
At the end of this week, I came to a decision after doing all the research, considering every factor, especially that TED talk I watched a few days ago. I don’t know if this decision is right or wrong, but deep down, I feel it’s right for the life I want to live.
In short—no more animation. No more writing for passion. No more trying to turn hobbies into a profession. I realized one thing about myself: I don’t know how others feel, but for me, I just need cashflow. Simple as that. Writing for money? I started to hate it. It kills everything that used to feel fun. Suddenly, imagining characters and weaving stories feels like a college assignment with a deadline—a chore, not a joy. And I can’t let the same happen with animation. I refuse to treat it like a checkbox on my to-do list.
I have something in mind. But one thing I’m certain of: I won’t learn animation to earn money. Right now, my focus became simple—cash flow. And maybe, just maybe, I should aim to be a BESTSELLING WRITER, not the BEST STORY WRITER. I’m not sure if I can express my thoughts perfectly, and maybe no one will truly understand this.
“If I stay quiet, will I protect myself, or will I lose the chance to matter to someone who already sees me?”
“Am I being strong by staying distant, or am I missing the warmth?”
“Is hiding behind walls really strength, or just a lonely habit I refuse to break?”
“Am I protecting myself by staying distant, or am I cheating myself from a connection I didn’t know I needed?”
