Weekly diary : Week 1
09 June 2025 (Monday) : The First Day of Third Year
“How do you stay motivated for something you don’t even enjoy?” That was the question echoing in my mind as I stepped into college today — my first day of Third Year. Honestly, I had hoped to feel excited, maybe even a little proud. But all I felt was heaviness.
Our timing was from 7:45 am to 11:05 am, and the day began straight with lab practicals from 7:45 to 10 am. I won’t sugarcoat it — I hated every second of being in that lab. As I stood there, pretending to focus, inside I was counting down the minutes, wishing it would end. The smell of chemicals, the endless instructions, the cold steel of the instruments — I hate it.
This semester we have four subjects:
– Medical Microbiology,
– Genetic Engineering and Genomics,
– Drug Discovery and Bioinformatics, and
– Fermentation Technology.
The names alone felt like a weight on my shoulders. When the faculty listed out all the reference books we needed, I felt this strange mix of regret and frustration. It wasn’t because these subjects were boring. In fact, they’re fascinating fields that can change the world. The real problem? They’re being taught to the wrong person — me. And honestly, who knows how many other students feel the same? How many of us are sitting in these classrooms, uninterested, dreaming of something else? Or maybe some are even forced to follow this path, carrying the burden of expectations that aren’t theirs.
That realization stung. It wasn’t the subjects’ fault. It was mine. Somewhere deep down, I knew I wasn’t interested in learning them the way they deserved to be learned. And that felt like I was letting myself down.
After college, I was drained. The moment I reached home, I freshened up, ate, and fell asleep. When I woke up, I felt lighter — maybe sleep has a way of clearing the fog. I reminded myself that even if I couldn’t connect with my subjects, I could still stay committed to my personal growth. So, I got up and focused on my task for the day: reading all 16 blog posts on storytelling under the Trellis Method category. That felt different — like I was doing something that actually spoke to me.
Looking back, today taught me something important. It’s okay to feel disconnected sometimes, but what matters is how we respond. I chose to end my day doing something that fuels me, and that gave me hope.
Maybe that’s the real lesson — in the middle of things we don’t love, we can still find small ways to stay true to ourselves.
What about you? Have you ever felt stuck doing something that didn’t feel right, and how did you deal with it?
10 June 2025 (Tuesday) : Balancing Duty, Tiredness, and Friendship
Today our college hours stretched from 7:45 am to 12:35 pm. After attending practicals and lectures — even though my mind resisted every minute of it — I had no choice but to head straight to my internship. The truth is, I hadn’t completed my one-month summer internship, and now I have to make up for it in June. If I don’t, I won’t earn my skill credit, and without that credit, there’s no degree. All thanks to our college’s brilliant skill credit system.
Luckily, I managed to get this internship within the college itself. It’s a research internship. To be honest, I don’t have much interest in it, but I’m hanging in there because of one reason — my friend, my classmate, my benchmate — Tissue. She’s doing this internship too. Like me, she skipped the summer internship. Unlike me, though, she spent her summer vacation relaxing in her village. Sometimes I think I should really learn from her how to chill out and live in the moment.
If I had to do this alone, I might have given up by now. But with Tissue beside me, it feels bearable. After our usual practicals and lectures, we report for internship work. It’s honestly tough — trying to focus on research when your energy’s already drained. But we have no choice. One month. We have to see it through, no matter what, or else no credit. No credit, no degree.
One small relief is that we don’t have to show up for the internship every single day. Some weeks, it’s just a few days in the lab. Today, we had to prepare a solution — a long, detailed process with several steps. Once done, we placed it in the shaker, where it needs to stay continuously on for four days. Our mentor reminded us that we’ll need to check on it after college each day. And yes, we have to come back this Saturday too.
By the time I reached home, it was nearly 5 pm. My head was pounding lightly — a reminder of how much I’d pushed myself today. I freshened up and, without even eating, I fell asleep. My body simply gave in.
Looking back, today taught me something simple but important: Sometimes, we take on things not because we love them, but because we have to — and that’s okay. What makes the difference is having someone by your side who understands, who makes the burden feel lighter.
What about you? Have you ever kept going just because someone’s presence gave you strength?
11 June 2025 (Wednesday) : How a Simple Meal Became the Brightest Part of My Day
“Why does it sometimes feel like college tests not just our minds, but our patience too?” That’s the thought that crossed my mind as I stared at today’s timetable — college from 7:45 am to 11:50 am. It was supposed to be an online day. But no, our faculty decided otherwise, informing us that there would be no online lectures during the first week. Honestly, some days it feels like our college has no mercy on us.
Still, there was a small silver lining — today we had no practicals. No lab work. Only theory lectures. And that gave me an idea. Instead of attending the lectures (which I knew wouldn’t add much value today), I quietly slipped into the library. I carried my laptop along and decided to focus on my personal task for the day. Sitting there, surrounded by books and silence, I felt a strange sense of peace — like for once, I was using my time the way I wanted.
Later, Tissue texted me. She texted me that the last lecture had been cancelled — a rare bit of good news. It meant we could finally take a break. But instead of heading to the canteen or our usual classroom spot, we chose something different. We carried ourselves to the stairs of the engineering department, on the second floor. The area was quiet, almost untouched by the usual chaos of campus life. Sitting there, away from the noise, felt refreshing.
And the sweetest part of today? Tissue’s mother had packed Sevai especially for me. That small, thoughtful gesture touched me more than I expected. The Sevai was delicious — soft, sweet, made with so much love. At that moment, I felt grateful. Thank you, aunty, for that simple act of kindness. It made my day.
Today reminded me that even on days when nothing seems to go as we wish, we can find little pockets of happiness — in silence, in friendship, in shared food.
What about you? When was the last time a small, unexpected kindness brightened your day?
12 June 2025 (Thursday) : When You Least Expect It, You Find Something You Like
“Is it possible to dislike something so much, and yet find small moments within it that spark joy?” That thought stayed with me today. I’ve often said I hate my degree — and most days, I mean it. But today surprised me in the best way.
College ran from 9:15 am to 12:35 pm, just like any other regular day. But what made today different was the practical session. It was a bioinformatics practical, and to my surprise, I actually enjoyed it. We explored the 3D structures of proteins on the computer. The moment the models appeared on the screen — those complex, beautiful shapes — I felt a sense of wonder. I never thought I’d be drawn to something in this field, but seeing those structures made me curious, even excited. It reminded me that sometimes, within things we think we hate, there can be hidden bits of magic.
The day wasn’t perfect, of course. In the evening, my parents had another argument. It’s become so common that, honestly, it doesn’t bother me anymore.
Reflecting on today, I realized something important. Just because we dislike a path doesn’t mean we won’t find moments along the way that make us pause, that make us feel alive. And maybe, those moments matter more than we think.
What about you? Have you ever been surprised by finding joy in something you thought you disliked?
13 June 2025 (Friday) : Their Fight Couldn’t Distract Me — Not This Time
The day began as usual, with college following its routine. But by afternoon, Tissue and I received a message from our internship mentor. By tomorrow — Saturday — we had to submit a Google Doc listing 10 research papers, complete with titles, authors, DOI, links, and short reviews. There was no choice but to get it done.
So, in the evening, I sat down with my laptop, ready to focus. But the universe had other plans. It wasn’t the task itself that felt hard — it wasn’t confusing or exhausting. What made it difficult was the environment I was in. My room was locked, yet from the hall, I could hear my parents shouting at each other. Bad words. Scolding. My elder brother stood outside with them, trying, I suppose, to calm things down. My little sister sat quietly on the balcony attached to my room.
I kept my eyes on my screen, trying to block out the noise. And honestly, I felt proud of myself for not getting distracted, for staying in my zone. But then I heard it — the loud crash of a chair hitting the ground. For a second, I froze. My fingers froze on the keyboard. But just as quickly, I brought my mind back to my work. The shouting, the slaps, the ugly words about divorce — all of it filled the house, but I kept typing.
And here’s the strange part — I felt proud. Yes, proud. Proud that I didn’t let their storm pull me under. Proud that I didn’t get up, didn’t break down, didn’t scream at them to stop. Instead, I smiled to myself.
It almost felt funny — the old me, the one from my 10th board exam days, would have been in tears trying to study in this kind of chaos. I still remember those times. Fighting was so normal back then that my studies became my only escape. I can’t forget that one day — the day I came home from tuition and saw blood on the floor. My mother’s forehead was bleeding, and before I could even think about food or rest, I had to wipe off my mother’s blood which was on the floor. I cleaned it up. My brother was applying turmeric on her forehead. Compared to those days, today’s fight felt like nothing.
But today? Today I was unshaken. I finished that Google Doc with the help of AI. I stayed focused. I didn’t let their chaos enter my mind. When I was done, I shut the laptop, too tired to eat — because honestly, their fight had filled me up. My stomach felt heavy with the weight of all the noise. Maybe because my heart was full — full from hearing all that noise and yet standing steady through it.
And tonight, as I lie down to rest, I can’t help but smile again. Not because of what happened, but because of how I handled it. I’m not that crybaby anymore. Looking back, I realize how far I’ve come. I don’t let people’s storms shake me anymore. And maybe that’s my biggest win.
Have you ever found strength you didn’t know you had — right in the middle of life’s loudest moments?
14 June 2025 (Saturday) : When Expectations Felt Lighter and Silence Felt Familiar
After college, Tissue and I headed straight to the lab for our internship. Our mentor asked us about the research papers. We nodded with confidence, even though inside, both of us were wondering if she could sense that AI had done most of the heavy lifting. As if reading our minds, she gently reminded us, “Don’t overuse AI completely.” Tissue and I exchanged a look — that silent, guilty glance you give a friend when you’re both caught in the same situation. But to our relief, she added with a smile, “It’s okay if you use AI. I just want you to get familiar with these papers. I don’t expect you to understand everything at once.”
That one sentence eased something heavy inside me. For the first time, the pressure lifted a little. She explained that the papers might have complicated protocols, steps, or terminology we weren’t aware of yet. The goal, she said, was to explore and get comfortable with this world of research — not master it overnight. She even guided us to a good website for accessing papers and reminded us to make our document file properly.
When I reached home, I was met with a familiar kind of silence. My parents weren’t speaking to each other again. It didn’t surprise me. Honestly, I’ve grown used to this — the loud fights, followed by cold silences. And maybe that’s why I didn’t waste a single moment dwelling on it. I just got on with my tasks, ticking off my to-do list one by one. I dove into reading and understanding all those blogs under various storytelling categories — a little world I could control, unlike the one outside my room.
Today reminded me that it’s okay not to have all the answers right away — in research, in life, in relationships. What matters is that we keep trying, keep learning, and don’t let the noise around us drown out our focus.
15 June 2025 (Sunday) : A Bad Dream, A Lazy Day, and a Harsh Truth
Have you ever woken up from a dream so real that your heart raced as if it had truly happened? That’s how my day began.
I jolted awake around 7:30 a.m., my heart pounding. The dream was awful. I saw my parents, shouting, cursing, hitting each other — the kind of chaos I’ve tried so hard to block out. The moment I opened my eyes, I rushed to check on them. My mother was quietly working in the kitchen, and my father stood on the balcony, lost in his thoughts. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
But that dream clung to me. Even as I freshened up, even as I stood under cold water and scrubbed my hair, trying to wash away the images, it stayed. The heaviness in my head wouldn’t go.
I had planned to work on that document of research papers today. But instead, the hours slipped by as I lay in bed, caught between my headache and my thoughts. By evening, guilt settled in. I couldn’t blame the dream or the headache — the truth is, I let my laziness win. I didn’t do what I was supposed to.
Feeling responsible, Tissue and I decided to text our mentor to request more time. We knew we had to own up and fix this.
As I lay in bed at night, a different kind of heaviness filled me — anger at myself. I shouldn’t let my parents’ fights or the atmosphere at home control my focus. Wishing for a happy, peaceful home or dreaming of something else won’t change my reality. I need to accept what is and do what’s in my control — no matter how much I dislike this degree or this situation.
Some days teach you hard lessons. Today taught me that avoiding reality won’t help — facing it will.
What about you? Do you ever catch yourself escaping into wishes when what you really need is acceptance?
This week, I began to notice something about myself — something I had been ignoring for a while. After returning home from college, I felt completely drained. My eyes heavy, my body begging for rest. Without a second thought, I would fall asleep. But because of that, I ended up staying awake late into the night.
At first, I saw this as a problem. But then I paid closer attention. I realized that during the day, I was sluggish and unfocused. My energy felt low. But at night — oh, the night felt different. It was quiet. Peaceful. No noise, no interruptions. And my mind? It felt clearer, calmer, ready to focus.
I kept fighting this pattern, thinking I needed to stick to the “right” schedule. But the truth hit me: maybe the right schedule is the one that works for me. So, I’ve decided to stop resisting. From tomorrow, I’ll follow my body’s rhythm. I’ll stay up at night to complete my tasks when I can actually focus. And when I return from college, I’ll allow myself that afternoon rest without guilt.
